A Visit to Parenting Future , Past and Present

"You will be haunted," resumed the Ghost,"by Three Spirits."

-- Charles Dickens, The Christmas Carol

I had an interesting weekend.  

In only one weekend (less than 48 hours) I got to experience present parenting, re-live past parenting and get a peek at what parenting may look like in the future.

THE GHOST OF PARENTING FUTURE

For the first time ever, Little Zo Peep went on an overnight (2 nights, really), out-of-town trip with her friend H and H's parents -- Mr. and Mrs. W.  It was a big step for her.  It was a HUGE step for me.  

Please understand that  Zo Peep and I have been parted many times in her 6 years with me. During that time I've had more out-of-town, overnight business trips than I'd care to remember -- many of them longer than 2 nights.  But somehow this trip felt very different for me.  

Maybe it was because SHE was doing the traveling while I was staying home.  Maybe it was because she showed no anxiety about this adventure.  Maybe it was because she packed for the trip on Tuesday morning -- she was that excited about going.   

Whatever the reason, I realized before she even left that this little, tiny weekend excursion was going to give me my first taste of empty nest syndrome and my first glimpse into what will become many trips away from me as she grows and matures and strikes out on her own.

Now I fully  realize that the ultimate goal of parenting is to raise my children so that they can eventually, confidently and effectively leave my care and carve out their own lives.  But -- even with Zo Peep at 6 -- I can see that final destination is going to arrive much faster than I want it to arrive.  Sometime I look in the eyes of this old soul and see her adult self just over the horizon.   Some days she seems to be growing up with the speed of a lightening bolt barreling down from the sky. 

I know I can't stop her -- or even slow her down -- but some days I wish I could.

THE GHOST OF PARENTING PAST

Of course, with Little Zo Peep gone from Friday at 3PM  until Sunday at 1PM our Hen House was down to one Hen and one Chick.  Honestly, I didn't think that the absence of Little Zo Peep would make that much difference.  After all, the Peep is very self-sufficient and doesn't need my attention that much anymore.  Plus, Libby Doodle Doo is SOOOO active, that I thought my weekend would still be hectic -- just not quite as much.

WRONG.

I had forgotten how much easier it is raising one child versus two -- even when that one child is a spitfire like Libby Doodle Doo.  I guess  I never realized how splitting my time between the Doodle and Peep (even when Zo Peep doesn't require that much from me)  is so taxing. 

It felt so luxurious to be able to put all my focus all the time on just one child.  I also didn't realize how much of my every day is consumed with the Doodle complaining (i.e. whining) about the Peep and visa-versa.  Even church -- which usually feels more like Purgatory -- was relatively painless 

Even though I missed Little Zo Peep -- I gotta confess -- the weekend was like a mini-vacation for me.

Now let me state unequivocally that I adore both of my children, I love having two children  and I'm deeply grateful for the opportunity to be their mother.   But with all that said, I think I realized over the weekend what a big step I actually took when I moved from Single with One to Single with Two in January, 2008.

THE GHOST OF PARENTING PRESENT

I picked up Little Zo Peep on Sunday afternoon.   She was incredibly excited about her adventure and while driving home in the car delivered a machine-gun re-telling of the entire weekend.   During one of her stories about Mr. and Mrs. W -- parents of her friend H -- I squeezed in the comment, "Gee, that's so nice.  I  think Mr. and Mrs. W are very nice people."

Zo Peep replied, "Yes, they are very, very nice."

And then she paused for a beat and added:

"Much nicer than you."

OUCH!!!!

I don't know precisely when it happened, but Zo Peep has moved into a stage where she sometimes openly criticizes me.   It doesn't happen often, but it stings whenever she does it. Sometimes its for the clothing I'm wearing.  Sometimes its because of something I said to one of her friends.  Sometimes its because I do something that is truly bad -- losing my patience, raising my voice, swearing (for these things I always apologize).

I remember the Zo Peep who idolized everything about me-- even though I realized that I was far from perfect.  I knew that her idolatry wouldn't last forever.  And as long as she is respectful to me (sometimes she is and sometimes she isn't), I'm glad that she feels comfortable speaking from her heart and sharing her opinions about me as a person and as her mother.

I just have to build up the calluses so that these comments don't hurt quite as much.

Oh, and by the way -- I've known Mr. and Mrs. W for over 3 years now.  Based on my experiences, I think Zo Peep is correct -- they are much nicer than me.

Just don't share that tidbit with my first-born.  

 

Commentary on the Commentary

"Doesn't seem fair that a single Mom gets to have 2 daughters while many married parents wait for their first one."

Thus read the quote added this week in the Comment section of one of my videos that has been posted on You Tube.    I was taken aback when I first saw this sentiment and full of righteous indignation:

“How dare someone write that. Talk about kicking me when I’m already down. I’ve just had a corporation tell me I’m not worthy to have a job, now someone is questioning my merit as a parent of two.”  

I considered removing the comment from the board or posting a scorching reply in the comment section on that video. Ultimately I decided to just let it stand as is – and here’s why:

First, if I’m posting information on the Internet – either on You Tube or here in my blog, I have to be open to the fact that not everyone who stumbles into my corner of the cyberworld will agree with what he sees or reads. I guess my philosophy here is – If I can’t take the Internet Heat, I should get out of the Internet Kitchen.

I’ve never hidden the fact that I’m a less than perfect parent. My goal as a parent is to try to learn from the many mistakes I make and get better over time – my mantra is continuous improvement.  

Since becoming a parent, I’ve encountered a lot of parents who won’t settle for anything less than perfection – perfect children living the perfect life in a perfect home run by perfect parents. I wish them well on that quest. I have neither the time nor the desire to set my sights that high.

If people in the cyber world are offended with my honest observations as an imperfect parent – then so be it.  Likewise, if they think that I’m too overweight to parent healthy slim daughters or too old to raise such small children, or too unattractive to have been blessed with such beauties or too Caucasian to raise children born in China or too single to make sure my children have proper male influences – then so be it.

I learned long ago that everyone is not going agree with me or with the choices I’ve made in my life.

Second, I feel the frustration in the words of the poster and I empathize. I waited 16 years – first with my husband and then out on my own – to become a parent. I know how much anguish I felt during those years. I remember many times when I thought children would never come into my life. I remember how sad and empty I felt at the prospect of a childless life. So if this post was the result of the horrible wait that parents adopting from China have been facing for the last few years, why not let this commenter have an outlet to express those frustrations on my You Tube commenting space?

I honestly hope that everyone who wants to be a parent is able to fulfill this dream. To me children are the greatest blessing that is bestowed on us during our lifetime. 

I also hope that every child is raised in a loving, caring home. And as long as there are children (both here and abroad) who are not in safe and/or loving families, I hope that adoption can find permanent loving families for these children.

Where I probably differ from the poster is that I personally don’t think that there is a formula to identify what a loving permanent family should look like.  I think that there are great parents who are young or old, married or single, rich or poor, gay or straight, religious or not, skinny or fat, highly educated or not. I also think that there are average and even poor parents from each of these groups, too.

I realize that many people may not agree with me. These people have a vision of the “perfect family” and feel that people who meet this ideal profile are more worthy than others and deserve to go to the front of the line – or in some cases -- be the ONLY people in line for parenting.

If the poster is saying that since I don’t fit an ideal profile of a family that I don’t deserve to be the parent of Little Zo Peep and Libby Doodle Doo, I 100% disagree. PERIOD.

I’ll close with the observation about how many people choose to express their opinions. I DO wish that people -- whether in-person or in the anonymous world of the cyber world – would learn how to express their disagreements with others in a diplomatic and respectful way. Especially on the Internet, I’ve encountered too many incidents of uncivil, impolite behavior.

To be fair, the commenter above was not as rude as he/she might have been. Also, the commenter had no idea that this message delivered to me in my current state could sting as much as it did. With those caveats, I believe the poster may have selected words more carefully to express the frustration around the long wait many couples are experiencing without vilifying me (if that was his/her intent) for having already completed my family.

Of course, that’s my opinion.

Unemployed

As I expected, I was let go this morning.  In many ways it was a relief just knowing -- I've been on such pins and needles for so long.

I got some basic details about the package I'll receive -- more info will come later.  They sent me home for the day and asked me to return tomorrow to start transitioning.

I've spent the day catching up on some items I didn't complete this weekend -- laundry, errands, grocery shopping.  I'm still weak from the pneumonia and trying not to push too hard.

I bought some nice filets to throw on the grill and a package of brownie mix to create the girls favorite dessert.  I'm going to pick the girls up early and ask Chef Little Zo Peep to help me make a gourmet dinner.

 A very surreal day.  

The Irony – Facing My Other Big Fear

Only a week ago I wrote about the 2 BIG FEARS I had as I entered the world of single Mom-hood. My second biggest fear -- the potential of losing my job – is one that I’ve been dealing with for the last several months. You'll remember that my first biggest fear was getting sick and not being there for my girls.

And I faced that fear just this week. I have pneumonia and was rushed to the hospital via ambulance on Wednesday night because I couldn’t breathe.

Here’s the story.

I got sick the last 3 days of vacation – a nasty cough, fever, and chills – the usual stuff. I was feeling better by Sunday (the day we were to leave). I took a long time packing up and driving home and took it easy when we finally arrived home at 7PM that night.

But then the next morning I felt awful. I had a really painful dry cough and my chest felt really, really tight. I called in sick from work and called my doctor to see if they could squeeze me in. I finally got in to see the doctor at 3 in the afternoon.

Usually my doctor doesn’t write an Rx for cold/respiratory symptoms unless I’ve been sick for over a week. After looking me over, she said my lungs sounded fine, but she did write me a script for an antibiotic. I dropped it off at the pharmacy on my way to buy groceries and pick up the girls.

When we returned to the pharmacy about an hour later I found out that they didn’t carry the mg. of the antibiotic that my Dr. had prescribed. The Pharm-tech told me they could order it and have it by Wednesday. I asked them to see if they could transfer the prescription to another store in the chain and that I’d like to start taking the medicine before Wed.

They found a store about 40 minutes away that had what I needed. They transferred the script to that store and my plan was to go pick it up after I finished dinner with the girls.

But I was moving in such slow motion during dinner that it was Libby Doodle Doo’s bedtime by the time I had cleaned up the dinner dishes. I couldn’t face an 80 minute round trip with the girls at that time of night. So I decided not to pick up the medicine on Tuesday.

I finally started taking the medicine after work on Tuesday.

All Monday night and Tuesday the cough continued to be painful and unproductive. When I awoke on Wednesday, my throat was incredibly tight and sore and I had lost my voice. I also couldn’t swallow very well and the horse-pill antibiotics kept on getting caught in my throat and gagging me.

But – of course – I still went to work. I was meeting with a colleague at 4 that afternoon who stopped our business conversation and said, “You look awful. You should go back to the doctor right now. Clearly the medicine isn’t helping you.”

She was right. As the day wore on the tightness in my throat was getting worse and worse. The cough was horribly painful. I even had some problems catching my breath as I was climbing stairs.

I called my doctor at 4:45 (my voice a low, raspy whisper – so very hard to understand) and they told me that they could see me as soon as I got there.

On the 30 minute drive to the Dr. I started to call and text people trying to find someone to help me with the girls when I got home that night – I knew that I was too sick to be their primary caregiver. I left message, but had no luck finding anyone who was free.

When the Dr. saw me she knew instantly that I was struggling. After listening to my lungs she told her assistant to get a nebulizer breathing treatment and oxygen. As they left to get these items, I still – foolishly – thought I could still pick up the girls before day care closed. I called Day Care to let them know that I would be picking up the girls very close to closing time of 6:30 (still very had to make myself understood with my raspy whisper voice).

The office staff hooked me up to a blood oxygen monitor and started the nebulizer (I think it had Albuterol in it). Although the nebulizer seemed to be working, a bunch of mucous got caught in my throat and I started to gag and throw up.

That’s when I crashed.

My breathing passages shut down. I could get air into the back of my throat, but then it stopped. My blood oxygen level (which had been registering 99%) took a nosedive and dropped to 93%.

The assistant yelled for the doctor who told her to call 911. I was SOOO Scared. As I gasped for air I didn’t think about work or my possible job loss or financial stability or anything else.

I thought about the girls. AND ONLY THE GIRLS. Who would pick them up tonight? Who would feed them dinner and get them ready for bed? Who would care for them tomorrow and love them the day after that and the day after that?

So here I am sitting in my doctor’s office gasping for breath with huge crocodile tears streaming down my face scared for my girls – Not Me – my girls.

The doctor rubbed my back and tried to get me to calm down and get breathing again. I can’t really remember what she did, but the situation improved and although I was breathing really shallowly with a lot of wheezing, I was breathing again.

As I waited for the ambulance I wrote notes to the Dr. Staff to get them to call my sister and call daycare. As the Dr. Office called those people, I text my former babysitter (yes, my beloved babysitter left me in late May. I thought it was only fair to let her go since my job situation was so precarious and I wanted to protect her AND save some money for our potential family emergency) and she sent a text message back saying that she’d go pick up the girls right away -- what a relief.

Then the EMT’s arrived, put me on a gurney, discussed the situation with my doctor and put me in an ambulance to a local hospital. I crashed a second time on the way to the hospital.

I spent the next 6 hours in an emergency room. During the time they kept me on oxygen, gave me 4 more nebulizer treatments, gave me a chest x-ray to confirm it was pneumonia and gave me some steroids to reduce the inflammation in my airways.

I was on heart monitors, had IV’s – the whole bit.

At 11:30, a Dr. came back to tell me that I had stabilized and they didn’t think that I needed to be admitted. They gave me a couple prescriptions and released me a little before midnight.

I was there alone. I knew (from text messages I wasn’t supposed to be reading – no cell phones allowed in the emergency room) – that my sister had connected with Kristen and had taken the girls home with her. I didn’t call anyone to be with me. When they released me, I wandered the halls of the hospital until I found a security guard who agreed to call me a cab (my car was still in the Dr. Office’s parking lot).

I waited outside for the cab for 20 minutes and got home a little after 12:30. I left – barely audible – messages for my sister and for Kristen and for my secretary at work.

I didn’t go to work on Thursday or Friday. On Thursday, My secretary and one of the members of my team took off time to come to my house; get what they needed and go get my extra Rxs and retrieve my car.

I’ve been resting for the last 2 days. I got Libby Doodle Doo back from my sister on Thursday night and Little Zo Peep on Friday night – maybe sooner than I should have -- but I missed them so.

I still get very winded when climbing stairs and a little light headed when I get up. I am driving again but trying to be careful to not push myself too far too fast.

This health scare put the job loss scenario into proper perspective. I logged into my work computer late yesterday to find a message the my boss wants to meeting with me for 20 minutes early Monday morning to discuss my job status.

So I’ll know for sure on Monday – I still think that it doesn’t look good – but I’ll finally know. And I realize that nothing that he can say or do will be one fraction as scary as the experience I had on Wednesday night. Regardless if I have a job or not at noontime on Monday – I’ll still have Little Zo Peep and Libby Doodle Doo – and that’s ALL that matters.

So in a perverse way – this 911/Ambulance/Emergency Room experience has better prepared me for the experience I’ll go through on Monday morning.

I’m going to keep busy with the girls this weekend without over-doing it.

. . . Just taking one day at a time.

Saturday Tsunami

I am really dreading Saturday and I need your help.

It doesn't happen often, but Saturday is a day jammed-packed with so many activities that I know that Libby Doodle Doo and Little Zo Peep will have a meltdown -- and maybe Mama Hen, too.

I have found that over-scheduling is one of the worse things I can do as a mom. I've made many mistakes doing it in the past when Little Zo Peep was younger. I thought I had learned from those errors, but apparently not. Plus, I just cringe at the thought of what adding Libby Doodle Doo to this madness will do.

Typically Saturday involve attending a 1 hour Mandarin Class for Little Zo Peep in the morning from 10:45 till 11:45. Then we then spend the rest of the day relaxing and recharging.

This Saturday -- March 1st -- is NOT a typically Saturday.

We've known for months that Little Zo Peep has an important dance performance that involves her entire Chinese dance school on Saturday. It will be held at a theatre in the cultural center of our city -- which will be a big stage with theatre lights -- all very exciting. The performance is sold out so I think it is an event that will be well-attended by the local community. The Peep -- and, therefore, we -- will have to be at the theatre venue hours and hours before the performance begins.

About 3 weeks ago, the dance instructor sent an invitation that she was hosting a celebratory reception after the dance performance. I knew how long the instructor had worked with Zo Peep's class to perfect their dance. I wanted to honor and thank her for all of her hard work and dedication, so I RSVP'd that we would attend. This reception will stretch into the evening.

At the same time I received a notice from Zo Peep's school that they were hosting their annual Art's Odyssey on Saturday March 1st. This event is a day-long event and includes musical performances, dance, art exhibits from the entire school. It also includes the world debut of Z's kindergarten class performing The Little Red Hen at 11:50am.

I talked to Zo Peep about the conflict with the dance class performance later that day and how I didn't think we could do all of these things in the same day. But she really, really wanted to perform with her Kindergarten class -- so I(against my better judgement), acquiesced and committed that we would be there.

So here is our Saturday:

*Mama Hen wakes up -- obscenely early

*Kids Wake Up 6:45AM

*Breakfast 7:15AM till 8AM

*Get ready 8AM till 9AM

*Leave house at 9 AM

*Attend Mandarin Class from 9:30Am until 10:30 AM (Rescheduled to attend an earlier session)

*Find Restaurant for mid morning snack. Eat 10:30am to 11:15AM

*Arrive school at 11:30 AM

*Red Hen Performance 11:50AM to 12:15PM

*Eat lunch in car as we drive to theatre for the dance performance 12:20 to 1:15PM

*Arrive at theatre for dance rehearsal -- 1:15PM

*Zo Peep gets into wardrobe, hair & makeup (her favorite part, my least favorite) 1:30 to 2:15

*Zo Peep dress rehearses 2:15 to 3PM

*Find way to eat mid-afternoon snack (food is not permitted in the theatre) 3PM-3:30PM

*Dance Performance 4PM to 5:30PM

*Little Zo Peep & Libby Doodle Doo change into party clothes 5:30PM to 6PM

*Drive to reception 6PM to 6:15PM

*Post performance Reception 6:30PM to 8:30PM

*Drive home and collapse -- 9PM

Doesn't that just make your head hurt? I developed this schedule last night to see how I was going to survive the day. There are things I need to do during the day (e.g. pick up cupcakes for Libby Doodle Doo's birthday on Sunday) that aren't even shoehorned into this schedule yet. And what about naps for Libby Doodle Doo? When (and where) is that poor baby going to get to sleep.

And me -- I'll be weighed down like a pack mule. Forget my diaper bag -- I will probably need a small suitcase of baby supplies to get through through this day. And then I'll have to have some activity stuff to fill the dead times in Zo Peep's afternoon to keep her occupied and out of mischief. I'll probably have to pack a cooler full of snacks and drinks for both Zo Peep and the Doodle. Plus I'll need Zo Peep's dance case (with hair supplies and the dreaded stage make-up). Oh and don't forget the reception. I'll need to pack a change of clothes for each girl for the party after the performance.

I've gotten myself (and my girls) into this crazy nonsense. What advice can you -- my helpful, rationale blog community -- give me to help me and the girls survive this insanity? I've committed to attend all of these events, so I can't back out of anything now. But what tips can you share on how you've survived insanely over-scheduled days?

Sunday is Libby Doodle Doo's birthday. I don't want us to sleep through the day due to total exhaustion. Thankfully, I have no plans for Sunday except church (and a cupcake celebration -- if I find time to pick up the cupcakes on Saturday).

Sunrise, Sunset -- Precious Waking Moments

Now that I've started back to work, I have precious few moments to spend with my chicks each workday -- and that is a major bummer.

My job is not a 9 to 5 one. I'm expected to be on call every day and night. I'm also expected to put in at least 60 hours a week. It's not unusual to have meetings before 8AM in the morning or after 6PM at night. I've been able to do many of those off-hour meetings on the phone, but sometimes I need to get into the office very early and sometimes I've stayed very late.
Work has been crazy this week -- and it's only Tuesday. I've been dealing with a different crisis about every 20 minutes -- I've barely had time to breath.

I made a commitment to myself that I want to get to the office by 8:15AM and leave by 5:15PM until Libby Doodle Doo fully adjusts to the daycare routine. Then I'm using the time when the girls are asleep to complete items I haven't been able to finish in the office.

Both yesterday and today I've been working until a little before 6PM -- 45 minutes later than I wanted to leave. Those 45 minutes make a big difference in the time I have to interact with my girls -- especially the Doodle. To make matters worse the weather here has been dreadful for the last 2 nights so my evening commute has been longer than normal. Net, net I haven't been getting home until 6:30PM or later.

On Monday, my babysitter had held off dinner until I got home. Libby Doodle Doo saw me coming in the kitchen door and squealed with delight. What a joy after a long, stressful day. She used all of her energy to crawl over and greet me. (BTW the Doodle's crawl is adorable. She's down on both hands and one knee. The other leg looks like a frog -- with her foot planted on the floor and her bent knee in the air. She uses this leg to propel her forward -- so it's part crawl, part jump. I call it Hopalong Crawling. I need to get video of that before she loses it). So I was able to spend a little reconnection time with both girls -- but not as much as I would have liked.

Tonight the babysitter already had started dinner without me (which was the right thing to do since they were hungry and cranky) and the girls were both almost finished eating when I walked in. I was so upset with myself for missing time with them. There was no time to play or hold Libby Doodle Doo. There was no time to talk to Little Zo Peep about her day and review the contents of her book bag before we sat down to eat.

After dinner I tried to play with the Doodle a little, but it was already her bedtime. I took her nightly bottle upstairs with me as Little Zo Peep, Libby Doodle Doo and I went to read bedtime stories. Before I finished the first of two, I could tell that Miss Libby was ready to go to sleep. I put her in her crib and she immediately went to sleep.

So here's the sad scorecard. During the week I only get to spend a couple waking hours with my girls each day. With Libby Doodle Doo's earlier bedtime, it's even shorter. Today I spent less than 90 waking minutes with her -- 30 minutes in the morning and a little under 60 minutes tonight. Horrible!!!!! How can I properly parent a child who only interacts with me for 90 minutes in a day.

It's a little better for Little Zo Peep -- but not much. She often wakes up a little earlier than the Doodle and stays up later. Today we got to interact for 4 hours (1 hour in the morning and 3 hours at night -- I let her stay up an extra 30 minutes tonight to spend more time with her).

Thus is the reality of this working single mom.

I'm somewhat concerned about how little time I'm spending with Libby Doodle Doo since I've started back to work. I had these same issues with Little Zo Peep when she was a baby and we worked through them -- so I know everything will be ok. The situation is a little more challenging because I'm dealing with 2 instead of one. I just need to find little pockets when I can spend more time with each girl separately and both collectively.

I am supposed to take Little Zo Peep to swim class on Wednesday night from 6:15PM until 8PM-- which means I'll spend no time with the Doodle at all. I'm going to see if my babysitter can take Zo Peep instead so that I can reconnect with my youngest for a night.

It's not much, but it's something.

There Will Be Bribes

(The Inspiration for today’s title is the Oscar Award telecast which is scheduled for tonight . I love movies and used to go see every well-reviewed movie as soon as it was released. Oh how times have changed. Recently, I read an article about the 25 movies from 2007 that every film fanatic should see. I scanned the list and saw only 2 movies that I had seen – Ratatouille and Enchanted – two kids movies. Oh well. By the way, the post has NOTHING to do with movies. )

I hatched a plan last week that is designed to increase the likelihood that I’ll be able to get out of the house at a reasonable hour each weekday morning. I've devoted past postings to the challenges I face every week morning getting Little Zo Peep out of the door. Although I'm still getting to know Libby Doodle Doo, I sense that -- like her sister-- she is NOT a morning person.

I feel like a rabbit who is trying to mother a turtle and a snail -- our natures are so completely opposite each other that conflict is sure to arise. In fact, getting ready in the morning is just a recipe for disaster in our household.

Before I started back to work last Monday, I decided that I needed to leave the house by 7:15AM each morning to get the girls to school and daycare and comfortably arrive at my job between 8 AM and 8:15.

I never came close. The best I did was leaving at 7:40AM.

So here's the new plan I've devised. I plan to use positive incentives to encourage efficient, compliant, and speedy behavior from Zo Peep (and eventually Libby Doodle Doo) in the morning. By rewarding their good behavior, I thought that I would increase the likelihood that we would leave at the appropriate time.

What are the details? For every weekday that we get out of the house by 7:15 without major arguments or misery, I will give Zo Peep one Beach BEAD. She will string these bead on a cord. When she has collected 100 Beach Beads, I will book a vacation for the family to go on a beach vacation. This scenario doesn't end with the Beach vacation. In fact, this plan can go on until the girls are out of high school (well, maybe middle school) . Beach Beads can be transformed to Mickey Beads for a Disney World vacation. Then Ski BEADS for a ski vacation-- and so on and so on.

Now some of you may call this "positive incentive" plan nothing but a thinly-veiled bribe. To-may- toes; To-mah-toes -- If it works, I'll call it whatever you want.

I know that things I've tried in the past -- nagging, punishing, yelling (I'm ashamed to say) have NOT been effective. I'll give this plan a try for awhile.

Zo Peep is very excited about starting on Monday. I think she may not see a bead for the first week or so. I asked her many times tonight what she was going to prepare in advance to assure that she'll get out of the house early tomorrow (e.g. lay out clothes, pack bookbag and put in car, etc). She wasn't interested in doing anything -- so I'm 100% positive tomorrow will not be a terrific success. After the expected-fiasco tomorrow, I can make suggestions to her on ways she can trim her get ready time.

Wish us luck. We're going to need it.

Working 9 to 5 (and the Day Care Blues)

Today Libby Doodle Doo – only 1 month and 5 days since she was first placed in my arms in Nanchang China – is starting full time Day Care as I’ve gone back to full time work.

How sad. Not at all what I had planned.

My adoption leave plan was to use FMLA to take off the first 2 weeks of February and then to work part time (3 days a week) from this Wednesday until the end of March. Libby Doodle Doo was going to start in Day Care this Wednesday and attend on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday until I went back to full time work on April 1st at which time she would start full time in Day Care.

But my FMLA plans fell apart about a week and one-half ago. How did this happen? Please view my experience as a cautionary tale. Learn from my mistakes and make sure you work out ALL the details of your adoption leave before you leave for China.

Here’s what happened:

Like many corporations, my company does not give any paid leave for employees who adopt.

My original plan for leave was to save most of my 2007 vacation days and use those for both my China travel and for some adoption leave when I got back. But that plan was foiled when my agency was not able to get us to travel to China in December. We have a “use it or lose it” vacation policy at work – so when my travel was moved back to January I lost the days I had been hoarding.

Up until that time I had avoided looking seriously at FMLA because of the UNPAID nature of the leave. For those who may not be familiar FMLA (The Family Medical Leave Act) is unpaid leave (up to 12 weeks each year) given to employees in the US. To be blunt – I didn’t think I could afford it. I had not saved properly or budgeted properly throughout 2007 to allow myself to take a nice chunk of unpaid time off in 2008.

But FMLA became my only option in December, so I began researching the policy within my company. I found that there were 2 kinds of FMLA – what I’ll call full time FMLA (where you are out for a certain amount of consecutive days) and intermittent FMLA (where you essentially take your FMLA a few days at a time over a greater number of weeks).

I thought that a leave that used both of these 2 types of FMLA would be perfect for me and perfect for the company. I put together a plan right before the Christmas holiday that proposed that I would have me take the first 2 weeks of February off and then I would start back to work part time during the 3rd week of Feb and to continue till the end of March. By using a combination of the Full time and Part time FMLA I would be able to give Libby Doodle Doo some full time attention and let her transition to Day Care gradually. I also would be able to keep my hand in projects from work so that nothing fell through the cracks. Finally, I could start getting paid a partial salary in mid February which would help from a household budgeting standpoint.

Because of Christmas holidays and my travel in January, my proposed plan worked it’s way through several corporation approvals and only went into the department that manages FMLA leave in early February. On Feb 8th that department contacted me and told me that I can’t take intermittent FMLA for an adoption leave. I am only allowed to take full time consecutive leave. It’s still unclear to me if this is a Federal requirement or one that my own company created. But unfortunately it meant that I needed either to extend my full time leave past the 2nd week of February or go back to work full time at that time. When I weighed the financial implications, the needs of Libby Doodle Doo and the needs of my job – I decided that the better choice was to go back full time right away.

So little Libby Doodle Doo was bundled up early this morning and dropped off at Day Care at 7:15 am. She seemed ok with the transition and didn’t cry at all when I left.

I did decide to work from home today just in case she had a meltdown on her first day -- but so far, so good. I called at 11:30 and found out that she had a good morning and was still napping. I’m going to pick her up around 3:30 today. She seems to be an easy-going baby who probably will adjust to this change very well.

I honestly think the transition will be more difficult for me. I really was enjoying getting to know my little one better and I wasn’t quite ready to relinquish her to Day Care quite yet.

Learn from my mistakes. Do your homework about FMLA (or whatever system your company uses) long before your referral comes in. Have a well-thought out back up plan in case your first choice for taking adoption leave falls through. If you need to save your money to make sure you can take adoption leave that you feel is right for you and your daughter, start doing that now. Net, net – Do as I say – NOT as I did.

In the end, Libby Doodle Doo will adjust to Day Care. I’ll adjust to not having as much time with her. I just wish I planned for this important part of my adoption much better than I had.

Blast from the Past

In our crazy 21st century world I find that it’s comforting sometimes to spend time with my kids doing something that is so old-fashioned and so un-cool that it feels like I’ve just taken a trip back into my own childhood.

We did that last night when we attended a local church’s Lenten Fish Dinner. It felt like I had stepped back into the 1960’s. First, the prices seemed like something out of the past. An adult dinner was $8.00. For that amount I got a bowl of New England clam chowder, coleslaw, baked fish, fresh fries and a beverage. And get this – kids under 10 (yes you read that right) eat for FREE. So Little Zo Peep ordered Fish, Slaw, Mac n Cheese and a beverage. I got Fish Sticks, Applesauce and Mac n Cheese for Libby Doodle Doo. So net, net I fed a family of three for the unbelievable, anachronistic price of $8.00 – my gosh you can’t even do that at McDonalds.

Second, the evening was so relaxing. Grade school children from the Church’s school wait tables and bring your order. Our 13 year old waitress fetched a highchair for Libby Doodle Doo, gave us extra saltines to keep her satisfied until her meal came and refilled my root beer 2 times. I offered a $5 tip to her at the end of our meal. At first she refused it, but then finally and gratefully accepted it.

Finally, the evening was soooo sweet – both literally and figuratively. Zo Peep visited the home made desserts table for us when our dinner was done. Desserts are 50 cents each. She got me a piece of homemade apple pie. For herself she selected a homemade Rice Krispies treat. My gosh even the desserts were a page out of my childhood.

On a way home the sweetness continued. Libby Doodle Doo is still in a rear facing car seat so I can’t see her as I drive. A few minutes into our drive, Zo Peep asked for the small blanket that I carry in the diaper bag. I handed it back to her assuming that she was going to use it to cover herself to keep warm.

Then I heard her sweet, little soprano begin to sing You Are My Sunshine and I realized that Zo Peep was singing lullabies to her baby sister (and using the blankee to tuck in Libby Doodle Doo).

I especially appreciated Zo Peep’s selection of song. My fondest memories of my dad (who unfortunately passed away in his 50’s – much too young) were when I as a little girl would climb into his massive lap. He would cradle me in his burly arms and gently rocked me as he would sing his favorite song --You Are My Sunshine. – another childhood memory reinforced on this very magical, nostalgic night.

Wake Up Call

The text message from a close friend yesterday was short and to the point:

Why aren’t you blogging? All Okay?

Yes, everything is ok. The girls are fine and I am fine. I'm just EXHAUSTED.

Before I started the paperwork to adopt Libby Doodle Doo, I knew that the transition from Single Mother of One to Single Mother of Two would be a challenge. I knew in my head that raising two would include a staggering amount of work.

Intellectually I knew these things. But I have to honestly tell you that my body has been surprised at how physically draining this transition has been.

I don’t know if it is because I’m older or more out of shape than I was when Zo Peep was a baby, but I’m just exhausted at the end of every day. Maybe I’m still trying to catch up on the sleep that I missed when I was in China or the sleep I lost during the first 2-1/2 weeks that Libby Doodle Doo was home and wouldn’t sleep through the night. Maybe it’s because I spend my days running up and down stairs (the Hen House has living spaces on 4 different floors -- and I visit each one Many times each day) and my flabby physique just can’t take it. Maybe I'm just not as organized as I thought I was. Maybe it’s all of the above.

The honest truth is that I haven’t been blogging because I’ve been sleeping during my usual blogging times. I used to write my blog every night after Zo Peep went to sleep. I used to edit those entries and post early in the morning (my usual wake up time was between 4 and 5 am) when I’m up and atom and the Peep was still asleep.

In the last couple weeks I’ve started half dozen posts during free moments I’ve found in my day. I haven’t completed any of them. Maybe if you understand my day, you may understand why I haven’t yet found my rhythm as a Mom of Two.

**********************************

Here’s what a prototypical weekday looks like (a day that doesn’t involve appointments or special events like school delays or school closings– those days are even crazier):

6:15 AM -- Wake up.


6:15 – 6:30 – Throw in load of laundry, If I have time -- take shower.



6:30 – Wake up girls. Change baby’s diaper.



6:30 to 7:00 – Give baby bottle, make breakfast for Zo Peep, complete packing lunch (started the night before), Check contents of Zo Peep’s back pack, clean up Zo Peep’s breakfast dishes.



7:00 to 7:30 – Get Zo Peep Dressed, Supervise as she brushes teeth, fix her hair, get baby and Zo Peep bundled into 100 layers of clothes for bitter cold outside.



7:30 to 7:50 – Walk or drive Zo Peep to school (depending on weather)



7:50 to 8:00 – Stop with Libby Doodle Doo at local coffee shop for TO GO cup of decaf coffee



8:05 – Arrive back home



8:05 to 8:10 – Change Libby Doodle Doo’s diaper



8:10 to 9:10 – Feed Libby Doodle Doo breakfast. This child can eat. And that’s great. My goal is to shovel in as much as she will take.

I know and hour seems like a long time to feed a 17 pound little baby , but I’m lucky if I can complete it in only an hour. It’s taken me awhile to get into the rhythm of feeding time with her. I’ve learned from trial and error.

For example, here is a checklist of the supplies that I’ve discovered that I need (with a little explanation of what each is used for):

3 food items representing protein, vitamins and carbs – check
Confirm that food also represents different textures to give her variety – check
Also confirm that food represents items that I’ll feed her and some finger food to
improve her fine motor skills & give her a sense of accomplishment -- check
Finally confirm that food offers hot, cold and room temperature options – check
2 handled sippy cup with juice/water combined to give her some more fine motor development -- check
Extra spoons to replace the ones she’ll grab and throw to the floor
Warm wet baby wash cloth to clean up smeared food on face in hair and on hands --check
Wet and dry paper towels to clean up highchair, floor, table, countertop and me as she drops or throws food during mealtime -- check
Box of Kleenex to tend her never-ending running nose -- check
Much hated Bib that she will tear off at least 5 times during mealtime and throw to
the floor -- check
Toys to occupy her as I prepare more food in case she’s finished my original menu and is demanding more -- check
My cup of coffee to sip infrequently during mealtime -- check

9:10 to 10:10 – Bathe (often a sponge bath because of her dry skin) & Dress Libby Doodle Doo for the day. Play with her



10:10 – 10:20 – Give Libby Doodle Doo second bottle of day



10:20 to 10:30 – Put her down for morning nap. Some days she’ll go down with no fuss. Other days I have to rub or pat her back for 5 to 10 minutes.



10:30 to 11:45 – Libby Doodle Doo naps. During this time I:

Eat breakfast
Clean up kitchen from the Libby Doodle Doo breakfast experience
Unload dishwasher; Reload with breakfast dishes, other items
Transfer clothes into dryer; put in new load of laundry
Make beds
Pick up toys in family room
Hang up coats from morning trip to take Zo Peep to school
Check email at work to see what’s going on
Prepare Libby Doodle Doo’s lunch
Finish my (very cold) cup of morning decaf coffee

11:45 to 11:55 – Wake up Libby Doodle Doo, change diaper



11:55 to 12:55 – Lunch for Libby Doodle Doo (essentially a repeat of breakfast with a different menu. Note that I'm not doing this alone. My Babysitter arrives for work and noontime so she pitches in and helps me throughout the afternoon -- plus she's been running almost all of my out of the house errands for me which is a godsend)



1:00 to 2:00 – Play with Libby Doodle Doo and squeeze in some household chores when I can.



2:00 to 2:15 – Give Libby Doodle Doo afternoon bottle



2:15 to 2:25 – Put Libby Doodle Doo down for afternoon nap



2:25 to 3:45 Libby Doodle Doo naps. During this time I:

Eat lunch
Continue with household chores
Attend to some business issues
Connect with my babysitter on key things we need to accomplish for the day/week
Start prep for dinner

3:45 to 3:50 – Wake up Libby Doodle Doo and change diaper



3:45 to 4:00PM – Little Zo Peep returns from school (babysitter picks her up)



4:00 PM to 5:00– Connect with Little Zo Peep. Review items she’s brought home from school for day. Start her on homework, Give her after school snack. Sometimes she’ll play outside at this time; other times inside.



4:30 PM to 5:30 – Prepare dinner. My babysitter is a life savior here and helps me a lot to get dinner on the table by 5:30 while watching both kids. Zo Peep has begun to help with setting table, etc. On days when my babysitter is not here dinner is not nearly as organized or nutritious.



5:30 to 6:30 – Sit down for family dinner in dining room. Family dinner time is sacred to me. We do it up right -- in the dining room, with plates, glasses, serving dishes, silverware, cloth napkins -- the whole nine yards. When I work (I've been adoption leave for 3 weeks) we do it between

6PM and 7PM, but since I’m home , we’ve moved it up to give me some breathing room on the back end of the evening.



6:30 to 6:45 PM – Dinner cleanup (with great help from my babysitter). Clean up now takes a little longer because Libby Doodle Doo makes quite a mess in the dining room with dinner.



6:45 to 7 PM – Change Libby Doodle Doo into pj’s and give her the final bottle of the day



7PM to 7:15 – Calm Libby Doodle Down and put her to bed. Ideally read a book as a family (depends on time and how ready Libby Doodle Doo is for bed).



7:15 to 7:30 – Get Zo Peep ready for bed. Continue on with homework



7:30 to 8pm – Zo Peep’s after dinner snack, play time with mom. Zo Peep's bath/shower time.

8pm to 9pm – Watch TV or movie with Zo Peep. Cuddle on sofa



9pm – Bedtime for Zo Peep. Brush teeth, read book (if we didn’t do one with Libby). I’ve added responsibilities to Zo Peep with the arrival of Libby Doodle Doo. In return, I’ve pushed back her bedtime by 30 minutes. She really likes this later bedtime.

9PM to 9:15 – I either find myself falling asleep on the family room sofa or I just call it a night and go to bed myself.

So I'm sleeping about 9 hours a night. I used to get by with 6.5 to 7 hours. Why so much sleep now? Maybe I am just paying off a sleep debt and that my body needs more sleep until I do that. Maybe I’m an old geezer and just needing to face that sad fact. Maybe I just don't have the stamina I need -- I experienced the same lack of sleep when I adopted Zo Peep and I don't recall having to sleep so much back then. If anyone out there has some suggestions of how I can make this adjustment faster and better -- please let me know. I welcome any help.

I will say that this morning I woke up a little after 5AM and feel just fine – maybe that’s a sign that I’m starting to regain my equilibrium of sleep. When I awoke so early, I decided to use some of my extra time to start (and complete) an actual post for the blog.

If this morning is any indication, maybe I’ll be able to find the time to post regularly again. I don’t want to over promise, though. I’ll do my best to finish all of those partially completed posts and to complete some new ones. It is my intention to get back to daily posts as soon as I can.

I do know that starting next Monday, I’ll be returning to full time work (much earlier than I had planned and the subject of one of those unfinished posts). Maybe the rigid structure of my workday will force me to sleep less. Maybe I’ll throw in the towel and start consuming mass quantities of caffeine again (I’ve been caffeine free since Christmas). Maybe, maybe, maybe. We’ll see.

It’s 6:15 AM now. Zo Peep just came downstairs to tell me that Libby Doodle Doo is awake and woke her up. My marathon mommy day has just begun again (And it looks like I won’t find time for a shower today – oh well).

Signing off.

Rapunzel, Rapunzel. . .

I may have been too premature yesterday when I said Little Zo Peep was handling the addition of Libby Doodle Doo with great maturity and good humor.

Yesterday in her after-school program Zo Peep took some scissors and cut out big chunks of hair on either side of her head.

This isn’t the first time she’s cut her own hair. Last March the Peep decided that she wanted bangs and snipped some hairs that where falling into her eyes. The damage wasn’t too severe that time and my hair stylist was able to blend it in.

This time I think we’ll be looking at a bob or shorter when she goes for a haircut on Saturday.

Last year when she cut it, we had a long, long talk about how only licensed professionals are allowed to cut hair. She knew that she would be punished if she ever did it again.

When my babysitter brought her home from the after-school program, Zo Peep was convulsing in tears. The babysitter intercepted me before I saw Zo Peep to clue me in to what had happened and to tell me that Zo Peep had been inconsolable ever since her clip job was discovered by the staff.

When I saw her sad, sad face I felt so bad for her because she was frightened about the consequences she was about to face. I couldn’t help thinking that this act was a way to get some more attention from me than she’s received for the last week (I guess bad attention is better than little attention).

Some of you have commented about what a “good” mother I am. Although I appreciate the compliments (who doesn’t), I have to honestly tell you that I don’t see myself as a “good” mother – at least not yet (maybe someday).

Good mothers set rules and boundaries and stick to those parameters consistently. Me – I don’t see the world as black and white. I see a world that is filled with shades of grey. I, therefore, don’t follow parental rules consistently. I am a sucker for extenuating circumstances. My inconsistency is hard on Zo Peep and will be hard on Libby Doodle Doo. I’m trying to be more consistent in enforcing the rules.

Zo Peep was expecting a big punishment last night – the loss of key privileges for several days, the cancellation of a big event that we were planning to attend – something monumental.

But I’m sorry. I just couldn’t do it. I saw the “haircut” as a cry for attention and I couldn’t heap a mountain of grief on top of the sadness and fear by which she was already consumed.

We did talk for awhile about the cut and why she did it. I don’t think I got to the real reasons. I’m not sure she understands the real reason. She promised never to try it again. I told her I must punish her if she ever tries it again. If it does happen again, I hope I can dole out a punishment that is appropriate.

And then I did impose one consequence to the event. I give out points on days Zo Peep is especially good. She saves these points and redeems them for special treats or events. She has been so good this week that she’s gotten a point every day. I told her that this incident meant that she couldn’t earn points for good behavior for yesterday. (She was also close to earning some bonus points – she lost the ability to earn those bonus points, too due to the shearing). I know that it’s lame – but that was the extent of punishment that I gave her.

I made an appointment for Saturday afternoon to get her hair properly cut. I’ll let her call the shots of how short she goes (I hope not too short – but who knows).

In Chinese tradition, everyone gets a haircut before Chinese New Year. With Chinese New Year only days away (Feb 7th), I guess Little Zo Peep will be ahead of the crowd coming in for their own New Year’s haircuts.

Reality Bites -- Or At Least It Did Today

After the idyllic Thursday night and Friday I had with my two girls, it was inevitable that the sobering, cold water of reality would eventually hit me full force.

And it certainly appeared with a vengeance starting a little before midnight on Friday night.

Bedtime on Friday was great.  We read Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See  (BTW Zo Peep and I discovered that as we made animal sounds during the story, Libby Doodle Doo totally cracked up.  She obviously had a game with her nannies involving animal sounds. Very, very cute.).  I put Libby Doodle Doo down at about 7:30.  She was a little fussy for a few minutes, but then sound asleep.  Zo Peep went to bed at a little after 8:30.  So far, so good.

But then at 11:45 PM, the Libster awoke with a eardrum piercing cry.  She woke me up and woke up her sister, too.  I tried changing diapers, offering bottles, walking her, rocking her -- nothing got her back to sleep.  Zo Peep was up for about 3 hours of it also trying a variety of techniques to calm her sister.  Nothing worked.  I finally put Zo Peep in the spare bedroom downstairs in our basement in hopes that she could at least get some shut eye.

Libby Doodle Doo finally closed her eyes at about 4:30AM laying next to me in Zo Peep's bed.

When I awoke at 6:30am, the bed had also welcomed Zo Peep who was stretched horizontally at the foot of the bed.

Today was exhausting.  I was tired, Zo Peep was tired, Libby Doodle Doo was tired.  With tired, came cranky -- for all of us.  I was determined to keep all of us up throughout the day in hopes that we would have a good sleep and -- therefore -- an uneventful night tonight.  I almost succeeded, but I fell asleep (as did Libby Doodle Doo) after giving her the lunchtime bottle (fortunately Zo Peep woke us both up after about 45 minutes).  

We accomplished little today.  I took Zo Peep to language class.  We went grocery shopping, I got gas.  At home I did laundry and continued to put thing away from the trip.  The house is a wreck.  Right now there are dishes in the sink, stuff all over the kitchen and dining room tables;  empty suitcases sitting on the dining room floor ;a stack of mail at least a foot high and miscellaneous junk everywhere.  I need a good 3 to 4 hours to get it back into shape.

Although Libby Doodle Doo was an angel during Zo Peep's Chinese lessons, she was a demanding little baby for the rest of the day.  She rejected most of the foods I offered her.  She cried loudly whenever I put her down.  The volume increased if I put her down AND left the room.  She seemed to resent any attention I gave to Little Zo Peep.

Zo Peep wasn't much better. Although I do admit that this morning she made my heart smile. At language class, the instructor begins each session asking the girls to introduce themselves in Chinese.  When Zo Peep's turn occurred she said her name was Jie Jie -- so proud she was to call herself a big sister.  But the rest of the day she was a bear.  She started to show resentment of her little sister's demands on my time.  She also started to regress and asked for her juice in a bottle, requested wearing pull ups and wanted me to put diaper rash ointment on a little irritation she says she has on her bum.  I expected regressive behavior, but I guess I didn't expect it quite this early.

I got both girls to bed with no problems tonight.  I think if we all have a restful night tonight, tomorrow will be much better.  Keep your fingers crossed for me.  

Me and Angelina – Twins Separated at Birth?

If I had a nickel for every time someone confused me with Angelina Jolie – honestly, it’s starting to get embarrassing. Why just look at all the similarities:

1. Angelina has adopted twice from Asia.
In about 10 days I can say that I’ve adopted twice from Asia (So cool to be able to type that).

2. Angelina was born in 1975. I was alive in 1975.

3. Angelina is a single mom. I am a single mom.

4. Angelina has numerous tattoos all over her body.
I have numerous freckles all over my body.

5. Angelina was married before. I was married before.

6. Angelina’s weight is sometimes an issue (too skinny).
My weight is always an issue (not too skinny).

7. Angelina’s dad’s name is Jon. My dad’s brother’s name is John.

8. Angelina has 2 girls. A week from today, I will have 2 girls. (Again, so cool to type that)

9. Angelina lives with Brad Pitt. . .

. . . OK, maybe that’s where the similarities end.

Let's Talk Trash

I was taking my trash to the curb last night (and I had lots of it too – 2 Christmas trees, a dozen shipping boxes, recyclables, 3 garbage bins, etc. etc) when I remembered how I used to use Trash Night to illustrate the challenges of Single Mommyhood to women who were considering pursuing this path.

Let me explain.

When you are a single mom you need to be prepared to do EVERYTHING.

Care for your baby – Your job.
Run the household – Your job
Pay the Bills – Your job
Pursue your career – Your job
Plan your investments – Your job
Take out the Trash – Your job

You get my drift. There is nothing – nothing -- that you can delegate to a boyfriend, husband, live in lover, etc. Nothing. It all falls on your shoulders

And in this world of single momhood sometimes the littlest thing turns into a big production. For example --Taking out the Trash the night before Garbage Pickup can become an operation worthy of a military strategist.

Before Little Zo Peep, taking out the trash usually took about 15 minutes from start to finish – no big deal. But when I first got home with Zo Peep, I couldn’t figure out how to take out the trash every week and still watch her. Was I going to leave the house for 15 minutes and leave her there alone? I didn’t think that would be a good idea.

My first option was to check out my baby monitor, to see if I could pick up a signal from her nursery as I took out the trash. But the device didn’t broadcast a signal far enough. Then I moved on to Plan B that I conducted each and every week:

1. Bundle Zo Peep up in weather appropriate clothing.
2. Attach her to my body with my Baby Bjorn(a baby-carrier device pictured to the right)
3. Take her with me on my quest to take out the trash (which took twice as long with a baby strapped to my chest)

When she got too big for the Baby Bjorn, trash day became even more complicated.

1. Bundle Zo Peep up in weather appropriate clothing
2. Put her in her stroller
3. If she was fussy, I'd use my right hand to push her stroller to the curb as I used my left hand to carry trash.

During this stage, taking trash to the curb could take almost 3 times as long as it did in my pre-baby days.

When Zo Peep was too big for the stroller, the process took just as long, but became a little scarier.

1. Bundle Zo Peep up in weather appropriate clothing
2. Hold her hand while I used my left hand to carry trash to the curb.
3. Try to never let go of her hand while at the curb for fear that she would toddle into traffic .

Once Zo Peep got old enough to listen to and obey my requests, trash night became easier. She even has gotten to the point where she sometimes helps me carry things to the curb. And I also feel comfortable (like I did last night) taking the trash out after she had gone to bed.

But with Libby Doodle Doo on the way, I’m guessing I’ll soon be back to my Baby Bjorn Garbage Brigade (has a nice ring to it doesn't it).

Can’t wait.

SNOW Day – well, sort of

So it’s January 2nd, right!! Little Zo Peep and I are back to our regular morning schedule and our regular routines – school, work, etc.

I got up early feeling great and raring to go today. My cold has all but disappeared and the silver lining to my 10 days of sickness is that I may have broken my caffeine addiction during that time (I hate the taste of coffee when I’m sick). My goal is to stay off the stuff as long as I can and make water my beverage of choice. So net, net – my mind was clear, sharp and ready to take on anything this morning.

So about the snow. Sure we had some snow accumulation from last night and some flakes were wafting down from the pre-dawn sky this morning – but nothing that I would call scary. In fact I made a few trips out to the garage when Zo Peep was still asleep – and both times I wore sandals and no socks – Sandals for gosh sake! This was not a deep or treacherous snowstorm.

Little Zo Peep was thrilled to see the snow when she awoke. Snowy days mean that my little one will get ready in record speed in hopes that she’ll be allowed to play in the white stuff while I complete my morning chores. She whizzed through her morning routines – so I put snow pants, a jacket, boots, scarf, hat and gloves on her and she ventured out into the white stuff. I have to admit that the snow was deeper by the time she got out for her morning play – but still not scary.

Now my caffeine-free, uber-mind combined with Zo Peep’s accelerated morning preparations meant that we were actually EARLY this morning. By the time we left the house we were comfortably 10 minutes earlier than usual. What joy!!!

And then we got to school. And found out they were not opening until 10AM due to a Snow Delay. WHAT!!!!

The ONE Day I’m ahead of schedule and the school is not even OPEN. No one was there to congratulate me on my punctuality.

Now here’s my confession -- I had not even THOUGHT of checking for school closings of delays this morning -- Never even crossed my mind. Didn’t seem like enough snow to warrant any delay.

Well, I’m the mom of a school age child now and School delays and closures are a fact of life from now on. Real mommies probably check for closures and delays at the hint of a snowflake.

Clearly I need to recalibrate my “snow sense” and double check anytime I think that there is even a chance of a delay. I feel like I’ve just learned a new lesson in my never ending pursuit of a degree in Mommy-hood.

Slowly Clawing My Way Back to the World of the Living

I'm slowly, but surely returning back to normal. I was able to work from home all day yesterday and caught up on some projects that I promised I'd complete during the holiday. I still have a few hours of work to do -- so I'll be getting up early for the next few days and squeeze it in before Little Zo Peep gets up each day.

My babysitter has the same cold I have. Gosh, she and I were a sorry sight this week. Both feeling miserable but plowing through with our responsibilities. She's much more of a trooper than I am, though -- one of those "Good" sick people I talked about earlier last week.

I keep expecting Zo Peep to come down with this cold too, but so far (knock wood) her amazing immune system seems to have the upper hand. She has had 3 mini bouts in the last few days when she gets very quiet, then lethargic and then her temperature will spike to a little over 100. I give her some Motrin. She sleeps. And when she awakes, she is back to her old self. I'm amazed how she can fight off sickness. I don't recall being so resilient to sickness when I was a kid.

I know that this is going to sound like I'm such a Scrooge -- but I'm probably going to take down all of my Christmas decorations this weekend. I want to get all of this holiday stuff out of the way so that I can concentrate on my BIG China trip. I'll be leaving in a little over 2 weeks and I still need to finalize all of the childcare arrangements , pack my bags, and finalize plan for things at work.

After all of this wait, it seems like I should have had all of this stuff done by now -- but I don't. I have a big TO DO List to complete and not a whole lot of time to get it all done.

So I'll be in a little bit of a Pressure Cooker for the next couple weeks. as I complete these final details. Oh well, I always work well under Pressure,though. So here's my opportunity to do that just one more time.

AAAHHHHHCCCCHHHOOOOO!!!!

No it's not the bird flu, just a common cold. I took Zo Peep to daycare today (she's on school vacation for a week) and I called in sick. I've been dozing off and on for the last 4 hours. I just feel horrible today.

My throat started feeling scratchy on Christmas Eve. But I plowed through, visited some friends, hoisted a few eggnogs.

Christmas morning started off when I woke up at 4 am in a full coughing fit. I tried Zicam for the first time (it is supposed to shorten cold duration -- didn't work for me) and some 12 hour Delsym. Then, I crawled back into bed.

Zo Peep woke me up at 7:30 AM and we did the whole Santa/ presents thing. I felt pretty good during the morning and early afternoon. I even posted to the blog. Then at about 2 PM yesterday it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I think the world is made of "Good" sick people and "Bad" sick people. Good sick people never complain, don't ask for help and persevere. Bad sick people whine like babies, want to be waited on hand and foot and shut down for the duration of the illness.

By nature I am a BAD sick person. Only problem is -- as a single mom -- I can't really be a BAD sick person anymore. So I fake some of the behavior of a Good sick person and muddle my way through.

I do have a little bit of a reprieve until 3 PM and can put on my worst Bad Sick person face for awhile. My babysitter arrived for work at noon . She just left to go out and buy me some chicken soup and tissues with lotion. She'll baby me until its time for Zo Peep to come home in a couple hours.

And then I'll be Good, Brave (but sick) mommy again.

Confessions of a Banshee Mommy

Last Monday morning I did not have one of my proudest moments as a parent. As embarrassing as this story is for me to recount here, I wanted to capture and preserve it so that I can re-read this in the future and, ideally, learn from it.

I wake up from 4 to 4:30 AM every morning. Anyone would think I have oodles and oodles of time to get ready each day. But between doing work for my job, prepping dinner for that evening, doing laundry, making breakfast, ironing, emptying dishwashers, tidying up the house, packing lunches, taking out trash, changing light bulbs, getting Little Zo Peep ready (and oh, showering and dressing myself), I am often hard-pressed to get out the door by 7:40AM.

Last Monday was one of those days where EVERYTHING seemed to go wrong. Two different light bulbs blew out when I turned on switches. Numerous items in the dishwasher didn’t get clean during the cycle and I had to hand wash them. Dinner prep took longer than I had expected. The milk curdled when I poured it into my coffee – just a bad, bad Monday.

I had let Little Zo Peep sleep in that morning because she has not been getting the hours of sleep that she needs. I woke her up at 7:05 AM – about 35 minutes before we needed to be out the door.

Zo Peep is not a morning person (See posting from Nov 19th -- Zo Peep and the 7 Ill Mannered Dwarfs). Most days I can handle her whining and fussing and crankiness. Monday was not one of those days. EVERYTHING she did that morning just got to me. She was hitting ALL of my buttons. I started off with a stern, but well-modulated voice as I tried to move her through her morning activities. Unfortunately, my frustration with her escalated quickly. In a few minutes I was yelling at her – embarrassing, crazy, out-of-control shouting.

Zo Peep’s reaction to my craziness was to fight back. So as the sun arose on our lovely home, we were playing out this wretched scene of a 5 year old and a middle-aged mom arguing back and forth like two characters in a Tennessee Williams’ play.

When we finally got in the car at 7:50AM, I was back in control again. I apologized to Zo Peep for yelling and told her it was not acceptable behavior. I also talked to her how we need to help each other because we both sometimes have trouble controlling our tempers. We agreed to come up with a word (Zo Peep picked the word “ferocious” – quite apropos) to say whenever one of us starts getting out of control. When the “out of control” person hears the word, she is to stop her ranting and take some long, deep breaths.

After I dropped Little Zo Peep off at school I replayed the morning in my head. I thought about Zo Peep’s reaction to my anger and how her behavior is probably modeled after what she sees from me -- not a proud moment.

As an adoptive parent, I’ve often thought of the Nature vs. Nurture debate – how much of our children’s personality is hard-wired into their DNA and how much do we influence? I think there are elements of Zo Peep’s being that have been passed on genetically – for example, her stubbornness & her silliness were characteristics I saw from the first days I met her.

But I believe that as an adoptive parent I have a huge influence on the ways Zo Peep reacts to the world around her – how she interacts with others, how she treats people in authority, how she deals with situations that don’t go as planned, etc.

My experience last Monday has reinforced for me my need to deal with my own frustrations in a more effective manner so that I’m demonstrating behavior that I would be happy for Zo Peep to emulate. I’m going to try to self-regulate myself so that I don’t have to hear “ferocious” from Little Zo Peep. I’m going to try to take a breath, count to ten in the early stages of a frustrating experience so that the escalation of tempers doesn’t happen. Net, net I’m going to try to be better.

This parenting thing is hard – really hard. But as I’ve said before – the amazing added-benefit of becoming a parent is that – if you do it right – you can’t help but become a better human being from the experience.

Wish me luck.

Zo Peep and the 7 Ill-Mannered Dwarfs

(Little Zo Peep and I have been almost late for school for 3 weekdays in a row. This morning I told her this story as we were driving to school. She did not like it one little bit, but I wanted to preserve it here for posterity.)

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess named Little Zo Peep. Every night the princess Little Zo Peep would happily go to bed full of smiles and giggles and hugs and kisses.

But Little Zo Peep had an enchantment on her that appeared while she slept.

Because every morning when Little Zo Peep awoke there were 7 Ill-mannered Dwarfs in bed with her. Their names were:

Cranky
Pokey
Itchy
Picky
Clingy
Whiny
And
Sweaty

No matter how hard Little Zo Peep tried to get ready in the morning, these 7 dwarfs would interfere and thwart her efforts.

When her mommy tried to get her dressed, Cranky would make her refuse the clothes that were laid out the night before.

When her mommy would make her wear those clothes, Pokey made her get dressed really, really slowly. It was if she were moving in slow motion. And at the same time – Itchy would make her complain that the clothes were scratchy and made her itch.

At breakfast time, Zo Peep wanted to finish her breakfast quickly, but Picky made her comment that she didn’t want to eat what Mommy had made – even though Zo Peep, herself, had selected the menu the night before.

When breakfast was over, it was time for her Mommy to take a quick shower and get dressed. That’s when Clingy and Whiny would force Zo Peep to grab on to Mommy and beg for a cuddle – thus delaying the mommy from getting ready on time.

Finally, when it was time to go out the door, Sweaty (with some help from Cranky and Whiny) would force Zo Peep to pitch an all-out fit because her coat, gloves and hat made her too Hot! Hot! Hot!

Somehow every morning the Wise and Patient Mommy – aka Queen Hen – was able to counteract these Ill-mannered dwarfs and get Zo Peep to the Royal Kindergarten.

And when they returned home at the end of the day, the dwarfs had disappeared. But Princess Little Zo Peep and the Queen Hen knew that they would be back the next morning.

The End