Mementos from Mother's Day

Oh, what a busy week I've had.  I began this post last Monday and am only completing it this morning.  I hope everyone had a lovely Mother's Day last Sunday.  Here are some highlights of our weekend:

A Milestone Mother's Day

Every Mother's Day is special, but a few of them have really stood out for me.  I remember the first Mother's Day that occurred as I was completing the paperwork to adopt Little Zo Peep.  It was the first time in my life that I knew I was finally on the road to motherhood. I was so excited with anticipation.  Next, I remember the first Mother's Day that Little  Zo Peep was in my arms.  We had just returned from  China and were still in a self-imposed quarantine due to concerns about SARS -- so we spent the entire day at home alone.    

I vividly remember holding my beautiful baby throughout that day and feeling a calm inner peace. And  Mother's Day, 2008 was also special because it was my first with both Little Zo Peep and Libby Doodle Doo. I looked at my two exquisite girls and knew my family was now complete -- a lovely, satisfying feeling.  Each of these Mother's Days were so special and unique.

So I had -- incorrectly --- thought that my days of milestone Mother's Days had passed.

Not so.

A Recap of My Day

This year I had my first Mother's Day in which my own children decided to make a big deal out of the day -- with no prompting from relatives or baby sitters or anyone else. For the first time Little Zo Peep embraced the idea of making Mother's Day a special day for me and dragged the Doodle into the role of co-party planner.  I had  never before experienced my girls orchestrating a celebration for me -- what an amazing experience.

First, Zo Peep bugged me for weeks about finding someone to take her and Libby Doodle Doo shopping to buy me proper Mother's Day presents. I was so touched by her fervor.  I finally convinced my nephew to take the girls shopping but due to some delays and mix-ups, he got to my house too late to take the girls to the local mall. We opted, instead, to have him accompany them to the large chain drug store that is 2 blocks away from my house.  Of course, I imagined Mother's Day gifts of Tums or Feminine Hygiene Products -- but the actual gift didn't matter.  The girls wanted to buy me something that they thought I would like -- that's why it was so special.  When they returned home I was instructed to go into the dining room and cover my eyes as they brought the booty into the house. So sweet.

Next when I picked them up from daycare/after school on the Friday before Mother's Day, they both had craft gifts for me. But Zo Peep was earnest that I could not see these items until Sunday. The trip from the center to the car was a little difficult with my eyes covered -- but I played along to keep the surprise concealed until the proper unveiling.

Finally, we spent Saturday night all sleeping in my bed -- sort of a big family sleepover. Little Zo Peep woke up early on her own and scampered away to the kitchen to make breakfast.  I woke up a little later and called from the stairs to make sure that she was OK. She ordered me to stay put and so I went back to bed and read a magazine until the Doodle woke up and the Peep finished her breakfast surprise.

(I've retold this story to several folks this week and most are  shocked that I would allow Little Zo Peep at age 6 years, 354 days to prepare and cook breakfast (using our gas stove) with no adult supervision. I can only say that Miss Peep has been an active participant in cooking and baking since she was 3-1/2 and that I have full confidence that she knows how to properly use the stove, small appliances and cooking utensils.)

Zo Peep came in with a tray containing breakfast -- coffee, dried prunes (an odd choice) and pancakes with maple syrup.  The pancakes were rather gummy & heavy (yes, she can use a stove, but she hasn't mastered following a recipe)-- but I finished every last bite.  

Then, the girls exited my room and returned with the parade of gifts.  First, came the school crafts -- an essay that Zo Peep wrote, a card with a hand print from Libby Doodle Doo, a flower made from pipe cleaners from the Doodle and a potted marigold in a Peep-painted flower pot.  Next, the drug-store gifts -- some floral-scented lotion with a candle from Libby Doodle Doo and a box of Russell Stover mixed chocolates from Little Zo Peep.  I gave my own mom boxes of candy (Russell Stover, Whitman Samplers) for Mother's Day when I was a kid.  How nostalgic that Zo Peep would continue the tradition.  

Breaking every healthy-eating rule imaginable, I opened the chocolates and allowed the girls to each have a piece.  Just like I had done as a child, they selected their piece, took a tiny bite, made a yucky face, and returned the partially-eaten candy to its slot in the box.  Some things never, ever change.

The rest of the day returned to a more normal one for me.  Little Zo Peep had left the kitchen in a disaster -- covered in flour and coffee grounds and sticky syrup (clean up is not one of her strong suits).  The skillets she used for cooking were a particular mess -- the coagulated glue-like pancake batter was cemented onto the inside and outside of the pan.  (It took me until Wednesday with numerous re-washings to completely remove the last remnants). 

So most of the day was filled with cleaning and cooking and playing with the kids.

Remembering our Birth moms

One final event of our Mother's Day was honoring the girls' birth mothers.  On Saturday we went to a local party store and I let the girls pick out a  balloon for each of their birth moms (I get mylar because it will stay inflated until  Sunday). Libby Doodle Doo selected a flower in a pot balloon and Miss Peep selected a huge heart-shaped one.
The plan was to release the balloons early on Mother's Day so that they could float to China to each girls' birth mother.  We did this last year and wanted to make this event an annual tradition. ( BTW I posted this idea on an online adoption forum and received a lecture about littering and about the environmental impact of releasing mylar balloons.  I apologize to those that are upset by this activity, but did it anyhow.  I promise to atone for this environmental sin in some other way). 

This year, Little Zo Peep wrote a note to attach to her balloon.  It said:

Dear Birth Mom,

I don't remember you, but I still miss you. Thank you for taking care of me when I was a little baby. From one of your girls.

And then she signed her Chinese name.

After picking up the balloons on Saturday, we all went out to an authentic Chinese restaurant for dinner and the staff was nice enough to translate the note into Chinese for Zo Peep.  

On Sunday, I took pictures of each girl with her balloon and we went outside to release them. As they floated away I took photos of the balloons flying away to China.

When it was over, Little Zo Peep told me that next year I should get a balloon for my Birth Mom too. What a great addition. Next year we'll watch their Birth Mom balloons drift away to China and my Mom's balloon fly to heaven.

I guess -- from this point onward -- all of my Mother's Days can't help but be special.

Mama Mia

Earlier this week, Little Zo Peep and I had an interesting conversation about her birth mother.

Sometimes Zo Peep and I watch the PBS program Antiques Roadshow, a program in which people bring in items and professionals determine the value of the item. During the program, she and I guess how much a treasure is worth and keep score of who came closest to the actual value.

An appraiser was reviewing an antique Chinese tapestry that featured a female character from Chinese folklore. Suddenly Zo Peep blurted out:

“She (the character in the tapestry) has the same name as my birth mother.”

“What?” I said (a little taken aback). “How do you know that?”

And then she continued in an animated, rapid-fire delivery:

“Because my birth mother sent me a letter, but I hid it from you. She told me all about herself and how she just had a baby boy who is my birth brother. And how my birth father is older than she is – not old like Grandpa – but older.”

Where was this coming from? I focused on one part of her story (looking back not what I should have done).

“You hid this letter from me. Why?”

“Because it was to me from my birth mother,” she said matter-of-factly and then continued:

“And she sent me pictures of herself, too. She’s tall and thin with long black shiny hair and big dark brown eyes and beautiful hands with long fingers.”

Oh my gosh, Zo Peep was describing her adult self. Tears started to well in my eyes.

“She sounds beautiful. But sweetie, you don’t have to hide anything about your birth mother from me. Your birth mother and birth father are special people because they created you. And your birth mother is extra special because you grew in her tummy and she took care of you. I would love to meet your birth parents and know more about them. “

“OK,” was all she said and went back to watching TV.

Later at bedtime I asked her if she wanted to talk more about her birth mother and the letter.

“I was just pretending about the letter,” she said. 

“Well, if you want to talk more about you birth mother we can.”

“OK.”

And then she hugged me and we kissed goodnight and that was it.

But what a profound experience. It was the first time I realized how Little Zo Peep is processing so much about her beginnings and early life. It is only a matter of time before these conversations become more frequent and more intense.

I hope I’m ready.