One Month Anniversary of My Referral

As hundreds of families are expanding with the joyous news of the next batch of referrals, I realized tonight that I'm celebrating my one month anniversary of having my own referral.

On one hand, it seems like only a moment ago that I first gazed into Libby Doodle Doo's lovely eyes; and yet she already is such a part of my family, I feel like she has always been with us.

I still have no news on either my Consulate Appointment or my Travel Date. Last month some agencies got their travel approval about 1.5 weeks after approval. So in a little over a week, the 28 families from my agency who all got referrals in early November may be competing with the agencies of these brand new families to get consulate appointments.

If we don't get our appointments locked down by next week, I fear that we may not get a January appointment at all. Given that China is closed down for the first two weeks of February for Chinese New Year -- this could push my travel to China until after the 15th of February.

A horrible possibility -- most definitely. And I certainly hope that it won't happen. In fact logic would indicate that February travel is highly unlikely. But the crazy thing is I feel that I must prepare myself for this worst-case scenario or risk having my heart broken one more time in this crazy, convoluted adoption process. I will be soooo happy when I don't create doomsday scenarios in my head on a daily basis. I used to be such a "the glass is half full" kind of gal. I want to be that woman again.

I have the referral.
I have the photo.
I have the TA.
I WANT my baby.
PLEEEEEEEEAAAAAAASSSSSSSEEEEEEE!!

Translations

Last Friday I received a translation of Libby Doodle Doo’s referral documents. It was quite an experience.

In short, the records I received on Libby Doodle Doo are far more detailed and richer than anything I’ve ever had on Little Zo Peep. The person who wrote them took great care to capture vivid details about Libby’s development, her history and her everyday life.

Last Friday my friend Helen had lunch with me and we sat side by side as she read. I was moved by her reactions as she read the text to herself. At times she told me how she got chills reading one passage. At another point she became emotional and said she may cry. In another section she told me that her blood was boiling because she was so angry.

Between these reactions, she relayed the gist of the text – but I couldn’t help but think that I was only receiving the Cliff Notes version – not because Helen was with-holding information from me, but because much of the text did not easily translate.

The next day I took the documents (and the beautiful photos of Libby Doodle Doo) to Little Zo Peep’s Mandarin class. At the end of the session, the teacher looked at the documents. As she read them she imparted information almost identical to what Helen had told me the day before. As she handed the documents back to me, she commented, “This is very beautifully written.”

Have you ever met someone who learned a foreign language so that he could read an important work of literature in its native tongue– The Iliad in Greek, Tolstoy in Russian, etc? That how I felt about Libby Doodle Doo’s documentation. As someone who probably will never read Mandarin, I fear that I will never fully understand the richness of what was written on these pages.

Brian Friel, an Irish playwright whose work I really admired, once said, “It is not the literal past, the "facts" of history, that shape us, but images of the past embodied in language. "

This experience has solidified my resolve to have my girls learn to speak and read their native language. Perhaps someday Libby Doodle Doo will be able to read her referral documents and understand the profound subtext that lies in these pages. I hope so.

Now many of you – no doubt – are curious about what the documents said.

I know that different adoptive families have different philosophies about what should be shared from a child’s past. Some believe that all this information is the property of the child and should never be shared with anyone. Other freely share every detail. My philosophy falls somewhere in the middle. I will share personal items (details of her finding, etc) with close family and friends. The more general issues I will share here.

Overall, Libby Doodle Doo is progressing very well. She is a hearty eater who has been eating solid food since her third month (I got a detailed menu of her favorite foods). She giggles and acts excited whenever her primary caretaker comes into the room (a good sign that she has bonded). She sleeps well and is hitting all of her developmental targets. To sum it up -- she is extremely healthy and is described as a pleasant, happy baby.

I can't hold her in my arms soon enough.

The Day After. . .

My subtitle of this post is "Reflections on Wacky Wednesday." It was a wacky -- and wondrous -- day. Hard to come down from that cloud -- but we must. Here are some random thoughts that I've had about the events of the last day:


1. Miss Ethel Ewing (don't you love that name), my 10th grade English teacher would be appalled at my Referral post yesterday -- poor grammar, lack of Punctuations, run-on sentences, fragments, incoherent thoughts. Did I forget everything she taught me? The short answer is YES!!


Life-altering experience can make us forget how to write a simple, declarative sentence. When I re-read the post late last night, I almost did a major editing job on that Post to make it "sound" better -- but I stopped myself. I like that I sound like a jabbering idiot -- because that's what I was yesterday. That's what every brand new parent should be when he/she first sets eyes on a new child.



2. I didn't realize until bedtime that Libby Doodle Doo's referral came exactly on the 23rd month anniversary of my LID. Amazing. I'll need to change the ticker at the bottom of the page to start measuring something besides waiting for a referral. Gee it feel wonderful to be able to say, "I'm no longer waiting for a referral."



3. I think that Libby Doodle Doo's referral picture bears and uncanny likeness to Zo Peep's referral picture. What do you think? I've had a dozen people tell me that they look a lot alike:




So , what do you all think? Close at all? Maybe my master plan of sending the CCAA 8 photos of Zo Peep at various ages between 6 months and 3 years paid off.

4. I went back to work (pretty short maternity leave, huh) and Little Zo Peep went back to school on Thursday. Zo peep clutched 3 photos of Libby Doodle Doo to show friends . She also was sporting a T shirt that says Jie Jie --"Big Sister" in Mandarin.

Here's the story of this shirt:

On Christmas Day 2005, after Zo Peep and I opened all the gifts, I uncovered a special package that we had overlooked.

I said, "Z****, this package is for you and it is from China." Zo Peep tore into the package and pulled out a pink t-shirt.

"Do you know what this says?" I asked. She shook her head.

"It says BIG SISTER in Chinese. China sent you this t shirt because in about 6 months (which is what I thought the wait would be) you are going to get a baby sister from China."

She was ecstatic. She insisted we put the t shirt away until she actually got her Mei mei (little sister). It has sat in her dresser since then -- mocking me every time I put away clean laundry.

Of course you are wondering if the shirt still fit - right? Fortunately I bought a size 5-6 way back then. Why? When she was 3, Zo Peep was on a kick of only wearing over sized boys clothes. Fortunately that time has passed. But what a lucky break.

5. I've started my lessons. I've joined a Poyang SWI Yahoo group, am trying to find out who is also in my travel group and reading about the Jiangxi province. So much to learn in so little time.

I've also discovered that 2 different agencies have received referrals from the Poyang SWI in this November batch. I feel connected with these parents as well as my travel companions. And won't it be interested to watch this Amazing Race to see which agency gets to Poyang first to pick up our daughters.

6. I'm trying to get Libby Doode Doo's file translated. A woman at work who speaks and reads Mandarin said she would help me, but she was tied up all day. I'm going to try to connect with her at lunch tomorrow.

7. I'm so overwhelmed by the lovely notes that friends, family and total strangers have sent me on this blog and through personal emails. Such treasured thoughts to save for Libby Doodle Doo forever. I just want to say thank you to all of you.

The Sun Will Come Out -- Tomorrow

I feel like bursting into song. Wednesday is the day. I've gotten confirmation from my agency that the referral packets have been sent out and will arrive tomorrow.

Then a few minutes ago I received a personal email from a friend who is very connected to my agency . She said that I will get it tomorrow morning. Less than 18 hours to go and I will gaze on Libby Doodle Doo.

Mark your calendars -- Wednesday the 7th of November is a red letter day for this Hen and her chicks.

Tonight I have to go to a teacher's conference for Little Zo Peep. Then off to bed for what I hope is my most restful sleep in weeks and weeks and weeks.

See you all tomorrow. I'm guessing that I'll be up with the Chickens. . .

Hello, my Name is Balloon Head Girl

No news from my agency. So I assume they haven't sent anything out yet today.

So I thought today would be a great day to catch up on my work -- aka my job, my career, toiling for the company that is nice enough to give me a paycheck twice a month.

I have several projects that need my attention. I've been very scattered for the last few weeks with all of this impending referral stuff and some work-related projects were beginning to fall through the cracks.

Today, I have no excuse. No adoption news expected. And I'm working from home today to boot. Everything is quiet and peaceful. No phones ringing off the hook. No people popping into my office to talk.

But I can't seem to CONCENTRATE like I should. I feel as if my head is filled with helium and is ready to float away into the stratosphere.

I've plowed through reports and emails and analysis and issues since 8 this morning. I'm taking a lunch break right now. It's not the most productive day of my life, but slowly and surely I am digging out from the mountain of tasks that I need to do. I just can't attest to the Quality of anything I've done today.

I hope this referral information comes soon. I'd love to welcome my former, clear-thinking self back into my body. Maybe she'll return by the end of this week.

Oh well, need to grab something to eat and then head back into the salt mines. See y'all later tonight.

Little Hatchlings Everywhere! (and an Update)

New Parents are continuing to get the "call" today. I've seen and heard about dozens of new daughters (and sons) throughout the day.

I always knew that many people who adopt from China never venture on to the Internet. I've met some of them in courses during this long wait. Heck, I was one of those people when I adopted Little Zo Peep in 2003.

I never realized that some people -- those who do spend a lot of time on the Internet -- don't post information about their referral for everyone to see . For some of these folks, they simply can't. In fact, their countries don't allow them to post information or pictures because the children have not yet been adopted by them. For most, however, it is because they don't feel comfortable sharing such a personal moment with the world. I can respect that. I am new to this blogging world. It is, simultaneously, an exciting and a scary place.

So best wishes to all of the new Dads and Moms and Sisters and Brothers -- whether I've seen your new little one or not. I'd like to send my warmest congratulations on this the day that your new family has been created.

. . . And now a quickee update on me. It looks like I won't hear anything till Wednesday at the earliest. What a bummer.

Here's the scoop. We (families at my agency) got confirmation at 5PM that the agency DID receive referrals today (at 6 pm I got a phone mail message from my social worker confirming that my personal referral was in that batch).

My agency is a little odd in that they will not share any information over the phone. Instead one needs to wait to receive a FEDEX package from them to find out ANYTHING about your child.

The word is that they will "try" to get those packages out tomorrow -- which will mean that we will get information on Wednesday. If they don't get them out until Wednesday -- we'll hear on Thursday.

I woke up this morning with a peaceful resilience inside me. I was in a Zen-like state -- all quiet and serene and calm. I was ok that I wouldn't get a referral on Monday. I was accepting. I sang "Que Sera, Sera" in my head throughout the morning. After all, I got my referral for Little Zo Peep on a Tuesday. I liked the cosmic symmetry of receiving Libby Doodle Doo's information on the same day.

NOW I feel a little crazed and anxious and antsy -- with my belly doing flip-flops. I'm asking myself, "How can I possibly survive these next 2 days.

I'm going to go eat a bottle of Tums and call it a night.

(Update -- I did a little editing on this post after publishing it a while ago. I guess I needed to vent a little because I sooo want my little one and its been such a long, long day. Sorry for the crazed-lady rantings!!)

Gaze into Your Crystal Ball

So as we kill time waiting for my referral -- Here's another question on which to vote. I shared my prediction (and Zo Peep's too) back in my Oct 20th posting concerning Libby Doodle Doo's province.

What do y'all think??????

Pop Quiz

Hi everyone. I'm back. Zo Peep and I had a very nice weekend. Went to some movies. Ate fast food (her choice, not mine). Enjoyed each other's company.

CCAA has posted on their site that the cutoff for this month's referrals is December 8th -- so now I'm Officially IN and awaiting my referral. I already knew this information on Thursday -- but I have to admit it is quite nice to see the confirmation in black and white on their website.

I expect to get my paperwork with all the luscious details and pictures on Tuesday morning. Until then, I'm going to offer a series of questions to help you predict some details about my precious Libby Doodle Doo. I made my own predictions in a posting on October 20th. You may want to review that posting before answering the questions; maybe not -- your choice.

So Put on your fortune teller caps. Raise your psychic antennae. And tell me about my new little Chick.

The Last Weekend -- Closing a Chapter in my Life, Opening Another

My referral should be here by Tuesday at the latest. Next week can't come soon enough for me, but I wanted to pause here for a second as I make the transition from Single Mom of One to Single Mom of Two.

Little Zo Peep and I have been quite a team since we first met in April 2003. She was an experienced baby. I was a Rookie mommy. She showed me the ropes and helped me understand what she needed from me. I learned some things on my own, too. And I taught her a lesson or two on how to be a daughter.

Our history as a family has been quite an adventure so far. It will only get better as we welcome Libby Doodle Doo next week. And maybe it's because I haven't had enough sleep in the last couple weeks, but I'm feeling a little sentimental that Zo Peep and I have to do something special this weekend to celebrate the closing of this chapter of our lives and the opening of a new chapter.

I'm going to log off for most of the weekend and spend the time with my first born. We have Mandarin class today and a birthday party at a duckpin alley (her first foray into the wonderful world of bowling). Tomorrow is Church and Chinese dance class. Between all of those obligations I think we'll go to a movie, eat out, and maybe go to a park if the weather is nice or a museum if it is not.

See you all again after Z's bedtime on Sunday night.

The Baby Parade has Begun!!!

Although I don't expect to hear before Tuesday, some December 05 families began getting news of their little ones last night. All of these families have West Coast adoption agencies who probably got the package from China before anyone else in the US.

How lucky for these families. Congratulations to them all!

I've even seen a picture of one little peanut who is soooo beautiful. The picture of that little baby girl made my Libby Doodle Doo become even more real for me.

Libby Doodle Doo is out there and heading to her new mama.

I'm guessing that on Monday hundreds of new babies and their ecstatic parents will join this Baby parade. If my current info from the agency stands (e.g. not sharing ANY info about the baby over the phone), I'll join the parade on Tuesday.

Hold my spot, please. I'm coming. I promise.

Time seems to have stopped

After the excitement of yesterday -- all is quiet in waiting-for-referral land. My agency is short-handed today (my social worker is sick; the other one will be out doing home studies this PM) and their computer system to the home office is down.

They don't expect to receive referrals until Monday. They also told me when they do get the referrals, they can't share any specific info with me -- e.g. my child's age, gender, birthplace etc. That means I won't get any of that information until I get my package from them the next day.

So after the flurry of information yesterday, I think we're back to Turtle pace again -- which is very disappointing.

And this weeked we get an EXTRA hour. Gee not exactly what I need right now. I need to keep busy and maybe the time will pass faster. I hope!!

I'm In -- Agency just Called

I can't type. I can't think.

Just got a call from the agency confirming that I'll get my referral in this batch. They don't have paperwork yet -- maybe today or Friday or Monday.

But I'm IN.

Gotta breathe, gotta breathe.

Dawn of the Dead & the Dec. 8th Cutoff

Happy Halloween! How appropriate that today is Halloween since I feel like an actual zombie these day – can’t sleep, can barely talk, think or type.

No news on my referral for Libby Doodle Doo. Confirmation about the matches should be coming out in the next week – but I still don’t know if I will get one or if I will have to wait until the first week of December. The latest rumors still indicate that I should be included in this upcoming batch (Rumor Gods still predicting a Dec 8th cutoff and my paperwork is dated Dec 7th).

Let’s hope. Last week there was some speculation that the information would arrive from China this week. I believe that timing was overly optimistic. No one has confirmed that the information has been sent from China yet. If it hasn’t left China; it's unlikely that it has a chance to get to the US this week – China sends info via snail mail not electronically. Amazing, huh in the year 2007!

I am In. I am Out. I am In. . . .

Welcome to the 1st week of November (well almost) The Rumor Gods of adoption are starting to rumble in the heavens and are sending their lightning bolts to the Earth below. WATCH OUT BELOW!

In the last 24 hours I had 100% confirmation from one site that the next referral batch will include the 12th of December, 2005 (My date is Dec. 7th). Then in the wee hours of this morning I heard that the cutoff would be between the 5th and the 9th (giving me a 50/50 chance). Then about an hour ago I heard that the CCAA only did 5 or 6 days of LID's (which would mean I would miss getting my referral by one day). Now ANOTHER agency is saying that the cutoff is the 8th (Making me Safe again).

How will this all end up?? Your guess is as good as mine. I thought I’d be on the bubble for a November referral and it looks like that is EXACTLY where I am.

Being on a bubble is NOT a comfortable place to be. Let’s hope this bubble doesn’t pop below me. I want to see the face of my Libby Doodle Doo in the next week.

Rumors are in the Air. . .

The internet rumor mills are all pointing to good news for me. If I dare believe them -- I should expect Libby Doodle Doo's picture in the next batch of referrals from China AND that batch should arrive sometime next week.

The internet played No role during my wait for Little Zo Peep. After submitting my paperwork to China, I simply went on with my life. I had been told that the wait would be at least 1 year, so wait I did. No communication with my adoption agency -- except to resubmit some paperwork that expired as I was waiting. Fifteen months passed and then one day -- unexpected and unannounced I received a FedEx envelope with Zo Peep's picture, information and a form to fed ex back to determine if I would accept her as my daughter.

Oh how times change. When I found out that the wait for adoption was slowing down (BTW I found out this information from another adoptive mom -- Not my don't ask/we won't tell agency), I surfed the internet to see what I could find. My gosh I hit the mother lode. There were hundreds upon hundreds of blogs, websites and Yahoo Groups devoted to chinese adoptions. I now spend almost every lunch hour, late evening and early morning online catching up on the lives of other adoptive parents -- those waiting like me, those in China getting their children and those who have returned home.

I've learned a lot of information during this time -- but I've also been burned occasionally. I've succumbed to hopeful rumors that never panned out. I've read about problems that other people were having with their adoption and worried if I would face a similar fate. Overall this internet wait produced more stress and angst than I ever experienced with my first adoption -- but it also provided me with more information, more resources, and a greater sense of community than I ever had with my first adoption, either.

As my dear dad would say, "You gotta take the bad with the good."

So I have my fingers and toes crossed that this internet rumor proves true and that at this time next week I'll be staring at a picture of my new daughter!!!

Libby Doodle Doo -- Speculation

So my referral for Libby Doodle Doo may be right around the corner. I can't help but speculating about little E and wondering about a thousand details about her -- how old will she be? from which province will she originate? what will she look like? Etc? Etc? Here are my predictions/guesses:

Age/Birth date -- Little Zo Peep was born in the year of the Horse. I believe that Libby Doodle Doo will be born in the Year of the Dog -- since horses and dogs are extremely compatible signs. From what I understand the people who match children with families look at the Chinese zodiac to confirm if they have a good match.

If Libby Doodle Doo is born in the Year of the Dog, her birth date will fall between January 29, 2006 and February 17, 2007. Since my age is closer to 50 than 40 (sigh), I'm guessing that the Chinese authorities will match me with the oldest child they can. So I suspect that my little Libby will have a birth date closer to the beginning of the Year of the Dog than at the end.

In July of 2006 when we were on vacation, Little Zo Peep announced, "Libby was born today in China." That date was July 8th, 2006 -- certainly a Year of the Dog birth. If E's birth date is close to that date I will be very freaked out. (Note -- a couple months later Zo Peep revised her prediction date to July 28, 2006 -- trust me if its ANYWHERE in July 2006, I'll be speechless).

Province -- The big 3 provinces for referrals are Guangdong, Hunan and Jiangxi -- all in the South. Other areas that have regular referrals include Anhui, Fujian, Chongquing Municipality, Guangxi, Hubei, Jiangsu, Shaanxi (This is where Little Zo Peep was born), Sichuan, Yunnan and Zhejiang.

Rarely seen (but still occurring) are Beijing Municipality, Gansu, Guizhou, Hainan, Hebei, Heilongjiang, Henan, Inner Mongolia, Jilin, Liaoning, Ningxia Autonomous Region, Qinghai, Shandong, Shanghai Municipality, Shanxi, Tianjin Municipality, and Xinjiang.

My psychic daughter has a prediction on this subject too. I was looking at a list of major cities in China. Z came over to the computer and pointed to two cities saying, "This is where Libby was born and this is where she is living." Oddly both cities were in the same province -- Lianoning - in the northeast (and one of the rarely-referred provinces).

My prediction: I think Libby Doodle Doo will come from one of the big 3 -- probably Guangdong. So I'll have a northern girl and a southern girl.

What will she look like? I once heard the saying, "Every parent thinks his child is beautiful. And every parent is 100% correct." So I already know that my new baby girl will be beautiful -- that's a given.

But being the anal-retentive, leaving nothing to chance person that I am -- I wanted my girls to look like each other. So I included a page containing 8 photos of Z in my dossier in the hopes that the Chinese officials would match Libby to look like her. I'm not expecting a Z clone, but my hope was that the girls may have at least a little bit of sisterly resemblance.

In general people from northern China are bigger and taller than people in the South (of course there are always exceptions to every rule).

For example, Z(from the North) is already in the 75th percentile on the American charts for height and weight. I know some adopted children her age from Southern China who are not even on the American growth charts. So if my prediction of Libby Doodle Doo coming from the South comes true, the girls may have very different statures. So my hopes center around their coloring, their eyes, their face shape and other facial features.

Here are the 2 key photos of Z that I put in my dossier -- her referral photos. Time will tell if Libby will bear any resemblance to her big sister.

>>> And the "time" in that "time will tell" is rapidly approaching. YIKES!!!!

PRE- Traumatic Stress Disorder

I'm starting to freak out.

I'm coming close to becoming a mother of two. The next step in my adoption is to be matched with my new daughter (called the "referral" in adoption-speak). This referral may happen as soon as the first week of November and will surely happen before the end of the year.

That means that I'll be getting Libby Doodle Doo in the next few months. And that prospect currently has me scared to death. Lately, I've been asking myself, "How in the world can you possibly raise 2 kids when some days you can barely handle 1?"

I had this same anxiety when I adopted Little Zo Peep. In fact on the plane trip over to China, I was fantasizing about landing in China and telling the adoption officials that I had changed my mind about becoming a mother and that I would just spend my time in their lovely country vacationing for a week or two. Did the anxiety pass? -- YES.

When I told people about adopting number 2, some folks shared the wise counsel that "You know, raising two kids is more than twice as much work as raising one." Not the words of encouragement I was hoping for.

And then I did the math over the weekend. There are 168 hours every week. Currently I am scheduled for 161 of those hours. How am I EVER going to fit a second child into my life? Little Zo Peep is a willful, high maintenance child. How will I EVER cope with her sibling rivalry issues? How will I deal with additional Childcare calamities; burgeoning expenses; a plethora of childhood illnesses (that I always seem to get) and the everyday paternal anxiety that a second child will surely bring?

I guess the simple answer is that I intellectually know that I will. Emotionally I'm not there yet -- at least not this week. I hope this stress will pass soon. It's sucking some of the joy out of my days and nights lately. I want my referral to be a time of celebration and I need to work through these concerns to be able to enjoy the special moment that a referral is meant to be.