A Visit to Parenting Future , Past and Present

"You will be haunted," resumed the Ghost,"by Three Spirits."

-- Charles Dickens, The Christmas Carol

I had an interesting weekend.  

In only one weekend (less than 48 hours) I got to experience present parenting, re-live past parenting and get a peek at what parenting may look like in the future.

THE GHOST OF PARENTING FUTURE

For the first time ever, Little Zo Peep went on an overnight (2 nights, really), out-of-town trip with her friend H and H's parents -- Mr. and Mrs. W.  It was a big step for her.  It was a HUGE step for me.  

Please understand that  Zo Peep and I have been parted many times in her 6 years with me. During that time I've had more out-of-town, overnight business trips than I'd care to remember -- many of them longer than 2 nights.  But somehow this trip felt very different for me.  

Maybe it was because SHE was doing the traveling while I was staying home.  Maybe it was because she showed no anxiety about this adventure.  Maybe it was because she packed for the trip on Tuesday morning -- she was that excited about going.   

Whatever the reason, I realized before she even left that this little, tiny weekend excursion was going to give me my first taste of empty nest syndrome and my first glimpse into what will become many trips away from me as she grows and matures and strikes out on her own.

Now I fully  realize that the ultimate goal of parenting is to raise my children so that they can eventually, confidently and effectively leave my care and carve out their own lives.  But -- even with Zo Peep at 6 -- I can see that final destination is going to arrive much faster than I want it to arrive.  Sometime I look in the eyes of this old soul and see her adult self just over the horizon.   Some days she seems to be growing up with the speed of a lightening bolt barreling down from the sky. 

I know I can't stop her -- or even slow her down -- but some days I wish I could.

THE GHOST OF PARENTING PAST

Of course, with Little Zo Peep gone from Friday at 3PM  until Sunday at 1PM our Hen House was down to one Hen and one Chick.  Honestly, I didn't think that the absence of Little Zo Peep would make that much difference.  After all, the Peep is very self-sufficient and doesn't need my attention that much anymore.  Plus, Libby Doodle Doo is SOOOO active, that I thought my weekend would still be hectic -- just not quite as much.

WRONG.

I had forgotten how much easier it is raising one child versus two -- even when that one child is a spitfire like Libby Doodle Doo.  I guess  I never realized how splitting my time between the Doodle and Peep (even when Zo Peep doesn't require that much from me)  is so taxing. 

It felt so luxurious to be able to put all my focus all the time on just one child.  I also didn't realize how much of my every day is consumed with the Doodle complaining (i.e. whining) about the Peep and visa-versa.  Even church -- which usually feels more like Purgatory -- was relatively painless 

Even though I missed Little Zo Peep -- I gotta confess -- the weekend was like a mini-vacation for me.

Now let me state unequivocally that I adore both of my children, I love having two children  and I'm deeply grateful for the opportunity to be their mother.   But with all that said, I think I realized over the weekend what a big step I actually took when I moved from Single with One to Single with Two in January, 2008.

THE GHOST OF PARENTING PRESENT

I picked up Little Zo Peep on Sunday afternoon.   She was incredibly excited about her adventure and while driving home in the car delivered a machine-gun re-telling of the entire weekend.   During one of her stories about Mr. and Mrs. W -- parents of her friend H -- I squeezed in the comment, "Gee, that's so nice.  I  think Mr. and Mrs. W are very nice people."

Zo Peep replied, "Yes, they are very, very nice."

And then she paused for a beat and added:

"Much nicer than you."

OUCH!!!!

I don't know precisely when it happened, but Zo Peep has moved into a stage where she sometimes openly criticizes me.   It doesn't happen often, but it stings whenever she does it. Sometimes its for the clothing I'm wearing.  Sometimes its because of something I said to one of her friends.  Sometimes its because I do something that is truly bad -- losing my patience, raising my voice, swearing (for these things I always apologize).

I remember the Zo Peep who idolized everything about me-- even though I realized that I was far from perfect.  I knew that her idolatry wouldn't last forever.  And as long as she is respectful to me (sometimes she is and sometimes she isn't), I'm glad that she feels comfortable speaking from her heart and sharing her opinions about me as a person and as her mother.

I just have to build up the calluses so that these comments don't hurt quite as much.

Oh, and by the way -- I've known Mr. and Mrs. W for over 3 years now.  Based on my experiences, I think Zo Peep is correct -- they are much nicer than me.

Just don't share that tidbit with my first-born.