Commentary on the Commentary

"Doesn't seem fair that a single Mom gets to have 2 daughters while many married parents wait for their first one."

Thus read the quote added this week in the Comment section of one of my videos that has been posted on You Tube.    I was taken aback when I first saw this sentiment and full of righteous indignation:

“How dare someone write that. Talk about kicking me when I’m already down. I’ve just had a corporation tell me I’m not worthy to have a job, now someone is questioning my merit as a parent of two.”  

I considered removing the comment from the board or posting a scorching reply in the comment section on that video. Ultimately I decided to just let it stand as is – and here’s why:

First, if I’m posting information on the Internet – either on You Tube or here in my blog, I have to be open to the fact that not everyone who stumbles into my corner of the cyberworld will agree with what he sees or reads. I guess my philosophy here is – If I can’t take the Internet Heat, I should get out of the Internet Kitchen.

I’ve never hidden the fact that I’m a less than perfect parent. My goal as a parent is to try to learn from the many mistakes I make and get better over time – my mantra is continuous improvement.  

Since becoming a parent, I’ve encountered a lot of parents who won’t settle for anything less than perfection – perfect children living the perfect life in a perfect home run by perfect parents. I wish them well on that quest. I have neither the time nor the desire to set my sights that high.

If people in the cyber world are offended with my honest observations as an imperfect parent – then so be it.  Likewise, if they think that I’m too overweight to parent healthy slim daughters or too old to raise such small children, or too unattractive to have been blessed with such beauties or too Caucasian to raise children born in China or too single to make sure my children have proper male influences – then so be it.

I learned long ago that everyone is not going agree with me or with the choices I’ve made in my life.

Second, I feel the frustration in the words of the poster and I empathize. I waited 16 years – first with my husband and then out on my own – to become a parent. I know how much anguish I felt during those years. I remember many times when I thought children would never come into my life. I remember how sad and empty I felt at the prospect of a childless life. So if this post was the result of the horrible wait that parents adopting from China have been facing for the last few years, why not let this commenter have an outlet to express those frustrations on my You Tube commenting space?

I honestly hope that everyone who wants to be a parent is able to fulfill this dream. To me children are the greatest blessing that is bestowed on us during our lifetime. 

I also hope that every child is raised in a loving, caring home. And as long as there are children (both here and abroad) who are not in safe and/or loving families, I hope that adoption can find permanent loving families for these children.

Where I probably differ from the poster is that I personally don’t think that there is a formula to identify what a loving permanent family should look like.  I think that there are great parents who are young or old, married or single, rich or poor, gay or straight, religious or not, skinny or fat, highly educated or not. I also think that there are average and even poor parents from each of these groups, too.

I realize that many people may not agree with me. These people have a vision of the “perfect family” and feel that people who meet this ideal profile are more worthy than others and deserve to go to the front of the line – or in some cases -- be the ONLY people in line for parenting.

If the poster is saying that since I don’t fit an ideal profile of a family that I don’t deserve to be the parent of Little Zo Peep and Libby Doodle Doo, I 100% disagree. PERIOD.

I’ll close with the observation about how many people choose to express their opinions. I DO wish that people -- whether in-person or in the anonymous world of the cyber world – would learn how to express their disagreements with others in a diplomatic and respectful way. Especially on the Internet, I’ve encountered too many incidents of uncivil, impolite behavior.

To be fair, the commenter above was not as rude as he/she might have been. Also, the commenter had no idea that this message delivered to me in my current state could sting as much as it did. With those caveats, I believe the poster may have selected words more carefully to express the frustration around the long wait many couples are experiencing without vilifying me (if that was his/her intent) for having already completed my family.

Of course, that’s my opinion.