Transitions

WEDNESDAY NIGHT -- The word of the day is “Exhaustion.” Actually the word of the week is “Exhaustion” too. Mama Hen and her chicks are slowly making the transition to our new life together. Everything is progressing nicely – just slowly.

Libby Doodle Doo is still not sleeping through the night. She goes to bed with little fuss between 7 and 7:30PM, but still is waking up around midnight for some fun and mischief. Sometimes she’s up all night long. Last night she went back to sleep after 2.5 hours.

I’m utilizing several techniques to encourage a long uninterrupted night’s sleep. I’ve been shortening her naps during the day, getting her out in the sun when the weather co-operates, and feeding her lots of carbs at dinner. I’m hoping that before the end of the weekend we’ll have a successful full night of sleep. . .

FAST FORWARD TO THURSDAY MORNING – I wrote the above between 9 and 9:15 PM last night after Little Zo Peep went to bed and I brewed myself a cup of Peppermint Tea. I was contently writing when POW --at 9:15 Libby Doodle Doo woke up ready for another nocturnal party – YIKES.

I did not and could not face another entire evening with no sleep. I moved Little Zo Peep to the basement bedroom and heated up the remainder of Libby Doodle Doo’s bottle from her bedtime feeding. Then I gave Libby Doodle Doo that bottle, checked her diaper, kissed her goodnight, put her back into her crib, turned off the light and closed the bedroom door.

That little girl was NOT happy. She screamed, she yelled, she cried and cried. I find that one of the most difficult parts of being a mom is to listen to a baby cry without running to comfort her. I’m a real softie when it comes to a crying baby. Little Zo Peep learned this early on as a baby and would never go to sleep without a huge nightly dramatic cycle of crying and comforting that usually went on for hours and hours. It took me years to break that vicious cycle.

Last night I was determined to allow Libby Doodle Doo to cry for 20 minutes before I ran to comfort her. I sat in the bedroom hallway staring at the clock in my bedroom – 5 minutes: no change; 10 minutes: the volume and intensity of the crying actually increased; 15 minutes: still the same intensity of cry. It was torture for me.

And then at 19 minutes she took a break. She stopped crying for about 30 seconds. When she resumed the crying both her volume and passion were greatly reduced. For the next few minutes she alternated between no crying and a half-hearted whimper. I stayed outside her door until she was quiet for a complete 20 minutes. Twenty minutes later I went back and checked on her to find a sleeping baby. I used a tissue to wipe her nose and dry her tear-stained cheeks and went to bed myself. I was emotionally drained and physically exhausted.

And Libby Doodle Doo slept through the rest of the night.

Now I would never advocate that anyone else use a technique like this. In fact I think that everything I’ve ever read about creating attachment bonds with an adopted baby would probably recommend constant comforting and reassuring to establish a connection of trust and care between baby and mother. I know some experts even advocate co-sleeping and creating a Family Bed with children to create appropriate attachment.

I guess I’m willing to try a variety of techniques to raise my girls – some that come from the experts on adoption, some that come from the experts on raising biological children, many that come from my own intuition. Have I made mistakes – you bet. Will I make mistake in the future – probably. Did I make a big mistake last night – maybe yes; maybe no.

Libby Doodle Doo seemed a little distant first thing this morning (or was I imagining that). By breakfast time she was back to her giggles and smiles and intense eye contact. I think we’ll be ok.

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BACK TO WHAT I INTENDED TO WRITE ON WEDNESDAY NIGHT

And a quick update on Little Zo Peep.

After showing some anxiety over the weekend about being displaced by this new little critter in the household, Little Zo Peep has really embraced the role of big sister this week. She is intensely proud of her baby sister and wanted to bring a photo album to school on Tuesday to show to her classmates. She also is helping out with Libby chores like fetching diapers for mommy, giving the Doodle a bottle and picking out Libby Doodle Doo’s outfits each day.

I still need to carve out some Zo Peep & Mommy exclusive time, but I am so proud of the progress she has made on her own this week.

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I’ll close with a shot of both my girls taken at the airport right after they met last Thursday night:

And 3 shots of Libby Doodle Doo. One after her first bath in America a few days ago (I love the lion bathtowel):

and the second and third from lunchtime today – my little sweet potato chowing down on her sweet potatoes: