The Ties that Bond

On Monday, Libby Doodle Doo had her 2nd pediatrician appointment. It’s been 2 months since her first visit in February. In those 2 months my peanut has grown 1-1/2 inches, has gained almost 2 pounds and has increased her head circumference by 1 cm. She is now between the 50th and 75th percentile in length; between the 10th and 25th percentile in weight (in spite of that huge Buddah- belly) and between the 25th and 50th percentile in head circumference. Clearly my job is to continue to concentrate on fattening up my little eating machine. She has a great appetite and is interested in all types of foods – so that goal should be achievable.

During the 2+ hours that we were there (which ended with 5 -- count 'em -- 5 injections), I especially enjoyed my visit with Dianne the developmental/bonding expert. We talked about Libby Doodle Doo’s gross motor skills and fine motor skills. We talked about sleeping and eating and bonding and sibling rivalry and adjustments to daycare.

During our chat, Libby Doodle Doo started to play one of her games with Dianne. This game is a “high five” game where she holds up her hand for a “give me five slap” and then tries to reciprocate by slapping the other person’s hand. During the game Libby Doodle Doo smiled and giggled and was clearly having the time of her life.

Dianne – trained observer that she is – noted something that she saw and that really touched my heart.

“Do you notice that as she plays the game with me she occasionally stops and looks at you so that she can share her excitement and enjoyment with you?”

I hadn’t noticed until she had mentioned it.

But she was right. Since then I have started to think about the bond that is developing between Libby Doodle Doo and me. It is evolving and strengthening every day. I have to admit that I don’t know at what point a child starts viewing her caregiver as a “mommy,” but I can say that Libby Doodle Doo does seem to hold me in a special place among all other adult women that she encounters each day.

Libby Doodle Doo is a child who likes to make connections with me. Whether we are in church or at a store or eating dinner, Libby likes to be held by me, look at me and interact with me. Even though she is still noticeably more sociable than Zo Peep was at this age, the Libster has begun to show a reluctance to go to others – especially strangers – and will bury her head in my shoulder if they put out their arms for her. I take all of these cues as positive signs that our bond is developing nicely. And – although this example also demonstrates bonding -- not all signs are welcomed. Libby Doodle Doo has started to demonstrate sibling rivalry toward Zo Peep. If I am combing Zo Peep’s hair or holding Zo Peep in my lap, Libby Doodle Doo crawls over and will sometimes act out with aggression toward the Peep.

All of these signs (even the less-than-great one) are giving me reassurance that we’re on the right path. Honestly, I must say that I was concerned about putting the Libster in daycare only 3 weeks after we returned home. I’ve been anxious on and off for the last couple months as I think about how few waking moments I spend with my baby during the work week.

But the more I've thought about the signs that I’m seeing, I must say that I’m comfortable about the bond we’re building. I’m confident that this little girl recognizes me as the most important adult in her life. I’m not positive that she sees me as her mommy yet, but I think that we now have a strong foundation to eventually reach that milestone.

Every day we get a little closer.