Sunrise, Sunset -- Precious Waking Moments

Now that I've started back to work, I have precious few moments to spend with my chicks each workday -- and that is a major bummer.

My job is not a 9 to 5 one. I'm expected to be on call every day and night. I'm also expected to put in at least 60 hours a week. It's not unusual to have meetings before 8AM in the morning or after 6PM at night. I've been able to do many of those off-hour meetings on the phone, but sometimes I need to get into the office very early and sometimes I've stayed very late.
Work has been crazy this week -- and it's only Tuesday. I've been dealing with a different crisis about every 20 minutes -- I've barely had time to breath.

I made a commitment to myself that I want to get to the office by 8:15AM and leave by 5:15PM until Libby Doodle Doo fully adjusts to the daycare routine. Then I'm using the time when the girls are asleep to complete items I haven't been able to finish in the office.

Both yesterday and today I've been working until a little before 6PM -- 45 minutes later than I wanted to leave. Those 45 minutes make a big difference in the time I have to interact with my girls -- especially the Doodle. To make matters worse the weather here has been dreadful for the last 2 nights so my evening commute has been longer than normal. Net, net I haven't been getting home until 6:30PM or later.

On Monday, my babysitter had held off dinner until I got home. Libby Doodle Doo saw me coming in the kitchen door and squealed with delight. What a joy after a long, stressful day. She used all of her energy to crawl over and greet me. (BTW the Doodle's crawl is adorable. She's down on both hands and one knee. The other leg looks like a frog -- with her foot planted on the floor and her bent knee in the air. She uses this leg to propel her forward -- so it's part crawl, part jump. I call it Hopalong Crawling. I need to get video of that before she loses it). So I was able to spend a little reconnection time with both girls -- but not as much as I would have liked.

Tonight the babysitter already had started dinner without me (which was the right thing to do since they were hungry and cranky) and the girls were both almost finished eating when I walked in. I was so upset with myself for missing time with them. There was no time to play or hold Libby Doodle Doo. There was no time to talk to Little Zo Peep about her day and review the contents of her book bag before we sat down to eat.

After dinner I tried to play with the Doodle a little, but it was already her bedtime. I took her nightly bottle upstairs with me as Little Zo Peep, Libby Doodle Doo and I went to read bedtime stories. Before I finished the first of two, I could tell that Miss Libby was ready to go to sleep. I put her in her crib and she immediately went to sleep.

So here's the sad scorecard. During the week I only get to spend a couple waking hours with my girls each day. With Libby Doodle Doo's earlier bedtime, it's even shorter. Today I spent less than 90 waking minutes with her -- 30 minutes in the morning and a little under 60 minutes tonight. Horrible!!!!! How can I properly parent a child who only interacts with me for 90 minutes in a day.

It's a little better for Little Zo Peep -- but not much. She often wakes up a little earlier than the Doodle and stays up later. Today we got to interact for 4 hours (1 hour in the morning and 3 hours at night -- I let her stay up an extra 30 minutes tonight to spend more time with her).

Thus is the reality of this working single mom.

I'm somewhat concerned about how little time I'm spending with Libby Doodle Doo since I've started back to work. I had these same issues with Little Zo Peep when she was a baby and we worked through them -- so I know everything will be ok. The situation is a little more challenging because I'm dealing with 2 instead of one. I just need to find little pockets when I can spend more time with each girl separately and both collectively.

I am supposed to take Little Zo Peep to swim class on Wednesday night from 6:15PM until 8PM-- which means I'll spend no time with the Doodle at all. I'm going to see if my babysitter can take Zo Peep instead so that I can reconnect with my youngest for a night.

It's not much, but it's something.