Zo Peep is loving, cheerful, engaging, entertaining, smart, adorable and well-mannered. She can also be willful, stubborn, dictatorial, selfish, hot-headed, disrespectful, and dismissive. Sometimes she can exhibit all of those characteristics in the same day. Most people (teachers, day care workers, babysitters, etc) only see her pleasant side. Lucky me – I get to see both.Lately, I’ve been seeing more and more of the dark side of her personality. I’m guessing that there are a couple reasons why “bad” Zo Peep is showing up more often lately.
1. She’s gone through a lot of change lately. Zo Peep started all-day Kindergarten in September -- New friends, new routines, new expectations. . All of this new routine may be getting to her.
2. She’s exhausted all the time. My babysitter says that Zo Peep is so tired when she picks her up after school, that Z happily lays down for a nap almost every day (she hasn’t been napping for years). I’ve moved up her bedtime to give her more sleep, but I think that she is exercising her emotional, intellectual and physical self so much that she is wearing herself out.
3. She’s starting to regress because she understands that the arrival of Libby Doodle Doo is imminent. Zo Peep has known about the adoption of her little sis since the Christmas of 2005 (at the time I thought that the wait would only be 6 months) She always seems real excited about her little sister. She regularly tells strangers in the grocery store, bank, -- anywhere – that she’s getting a little sister. But for over a year and a half she has been marking her territory. For example, she may be playing a game and suddenly say, “Libby can’t play this game.” Or she’ll be eating something and say, “Libby can’t eat this.” Now as she starts to see me buy items for Libby – clothing, new highchair, etc, I wonder if she’s starting to feel unsure about her place in the family.
4. I’m not as patient as I should be. The pressures of thinking about raising a 2nd child, work issues, and some financial concerns are getting to me. I’m not sleeping properly. I’m feeling very anxious lately. I got to believe part of my perception of Zo Peep “acting up” has to do with my patience and tolerance being at a very low point.
So intellectually I can explain the behavior. BUT even though I may understand its origins -- I can’t ignore it. Z needs to understand that she can’t continue to behave this way. The big downside of being the Big, Bad Mommy is that I feel that I’m in constant punishment mode with Z.
This past weekend I cancelled attending the local Halloween parade and Halloween festival – an event that both she and I love. This Saturday we are planning to go to the local Zoo for their annual Halloween event. I hope she can behave throughout this week so that we can go. I hope that she continues to behave so that she doesn’t lose the opportunity to enjoy other Halloween activities on our social calendar – especially Trick or Treat.
I'm also trying to change the way I react to her behavior and -- potentially -- to her insecurities. I talked with my pediatrician to get some advice on how to deal with sibling rivalry issues. I'm reviewing some books on behavior issues. I'm trying to count to ten (or twenty) whenever one of her meltdowns occur so that I stay in control of the situation.
The bottom line is that deep down Z is a great kid. I love this girl with all my heart and soul. I can’t wait until this period of bad behavior passes so that we can start enjoying each other’s company again.
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